Brittney Smaila – Dating Mental Illness

Brittney Smaila – Dating Mental Illness


I’ve seen too many articles detailing just why dating someone with a mental illness is a good idea As I’m reading these articles all I’m reading is romanticized pain Glorified illness trust me you do not want to date my mental illness For the first months of our relationship, I will seem perfect I will be just aloof enough, strangely straight forward because I’ve got nothing to lose Only once I realize you’re here to stay will things begin to get bumpy You will get annoyed with my sudden n-neediness, when did I get so clingy? I said I wasn’t a jealous person So why am I so fucking jealous? What is wrong with me? I will apologize. I’m sorry that you’re dating me I I will try to be your support, but when you tell me you’re depressed because your fish Just died I hear a lack of understanding and I want you to think about how the words “attempted suicide” look as a centerpiece on the family dinner table How they look tattooed across your forehead because you can tell that everyone knows. Why else would they be looking at you like that? And they are looking at you like that What do you mean by Paranoia? I can just tell you don’t like me. I get the vibe, you don’t like me I’m pretty sure you don’t like me. Please reassure me that you like me. I know you get tired of it I know this is the fourth time I’ve checked in two days But how can I be sure that your answer hasn’t changed? That you haven’t grown tired of me in the mean time. Because I have grown tired of me in the mean time. I haven’t heard a positive word in years- my doctor says I tune them out But I don’t know how because I’m trying so hard to listen for them. Maybe I’m just not tuned in to the right frequency Maybe they’re just not said with enough frequency Please reassure me that you like me, reassure me that you like me, reassure me that you like me Reassure me that my presence is not a burden That it’s okay that I started crying in the middle of the grocery store and couldn’t explain why. that it’s okay that I haven’t done the dishes in three weeks. Haven’t got out of bed in four days and counting I’m sorry that you’re dating me. When you take me out to dinner, hope that I am eating that week Hope that your friends don’t notice when I get drunk off one beer because that’s all I’ve consumed in the past sixty three hours I’m sorry that you’re dating me When you pay for the movie don’t be angry when I fall asleep The nightmares are just to frequent to rest anywhere, except with your arm around me. I’m sorry that you’re dating me Yeah, you can come over tonight. We’ll have sex and it will be the best of your life But I will have been far away the entire time going through the motions I know you like. You will finish, I will apologize I am sorry that you’re dating me [audience claps]

Comments

(44 Comments)

  • Kaleigh Riley

    yesss

  • Claire D.

    THANK YOU!!! I finally feel like I'm not alone. You've put into words what I couldn't. Thank you. thank you thank you

  • Anna

    This poem is so important.

  • Nadia Veliz

    1:26 "…that you haven't grown tired of me in the meantime? Because I have gotten tired of me in the meantime."

    THIS.

  • Shaima M.

    Hits home so hard..

  • Alaska Kellogg

    so so relatable..

  • Kellyandthediamonds

    As someone with BPD, ADHD and depression, this means so much to me. Brittney put my unstable relationships into words. Thanks for uploading this. <3

  • Kalia Enticknap

    This is Absolutely relatable in every single way. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

  • agarside1000

    I understand

  • Alyssa Arena

    "I said I wasnt a jealous person so why am I so fucking jealous?!"

  • maurice foster

    So relevant to me right now! Makes me understand it a little better.

  • InhaledExhaled

    Relevant except when she gives off the impression that your partner has no idea of the definition of depression. My ex was more depressed than I except I am this type of depressed/paranoid person. Where as he just seemed more like he'd given up on life and stopped caring at all.

  • talia v

    wow I can relate

  • colchicum autumnale

    "Please reassure me that you like me" this hits me so hard I always ask my friends and I know I annoy them by asking it so much but I can't help it and then all I can say is I'm sorry

  • horsecrazy2266

    This needs to be taped on signs, everywhere

  • The Septic Piløt

  • Sky Sodergren

    can someone write the lyrics? or does someone have them? id like to read them when i listen to them.

  • Catherine Taylor

    Thank you, I needed to hear that desperately, it helps to know someone else has been through it too.

  • Kerri B

    This inspired me to write something 🙂

    To the next guy who is up to the challenge of dating me: I am clingy. You will have to constantly reassure me you like me. I may burst into tears when you tell me you love me because my mind won't let me believe it. I will hide my scarred wrists under baggy sweatshirts and wear jeans to the beach because my mind will tell me I'm too fat for shorts. And I may turn away from you while crying. Please believe me when I say it isn't you. I'm just so used to dealing with this on my own. I may push you away so you won't be an innocent bystander when the ticking time bomb that is my life finally explodes.

    Edit: thank you for all the likes ❤ I really appreciate it!

  • Hazellax

    Spot on

  • Pop-tart Charlie

    Why are people clicking? Great poem by the way.

  • lisa hind

    Too real !!!

  • Levi Bessette

    told my story

  • Fade Away

    I relate to this so much.

  • Tiedyed Owl

    Exactly.

  • Mya Kadolph

    the importance..

  • Jason Goodwin

    this sums up dating me, beautifully tragic

  • Iris Arellano

    This is exactly what my boyfriend was like. He killed himself.

  • Looking Down

    i dated someone with depression and once he got "better" he left me. I'm actually bipolar,have anxiety, and depression

  • Lilredhead

    This hit me so hard… I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and now we're in this huge fight because… I don't know. He got to close I think

  • Trash Lord

    i can relate way too much

  • vijfhavist

    This is literally the most relatable thing I've ever heard. What the fuck. You put it into words. Couldn't have said it better myself

  • Rachel McKinney

    👏👏👏

  • Em

    I literally cried during this. I never noticed it was actually a problem other people had but I have to ask my bf almost everyday if he still loves me or even likes me and I apologize after cause I feel bad. I don't text him cause I feel like I bother him. He reassures me all the time that I never bother him. We've been going out for about 2 months and its a serious relationship but I don't think I should tell him that I sometimes suffer with anxiety and depression and stuff. I get too paranoid and I never thought it was bad. I just thought it was a little thing like my OCD. I have so many problems! Why can't I just be normal? I want to tell him about it. I want him to reassure me that my presence is needed in this world that I'm worth while. That I matter. Things have been pretty rough this last week. I want to tell my bf that "I'm sorry that you're dating me" but he might take it the wrong way. idk. He doesn't even know that I tried to kill myself once. He doesn't even know. Sometimes I feel like I should tell him but I dont want him to ask questions or think I'm suicidal or something. idk what I'm even thinking anymore.

  • Autumn Nelson

    This why I'm single because guy think oh it'll be okay . We're all a bit off ..No I need to hear that u still love me everyday .. and that my constant memory lost isn't annoying you like it is me .. I need to know that in your eyes I'm still good enough to be with u because some days I don't even think I'm good enough to be alive .. or maybe it's the constant 3 am texts mix with 8am regret that makes me feel like my body is nothing to respect. The I'm sorry I was horny and you where can we be friends shit that makes the way I am .. I don't know ..

  • Cries In Spanish

    This so amazing. I suffer from mental illness and this is my entire relationship and just this is very great. Thank you for sharing 💕

  • Sophie Bobb

    That…that…that is the most relatable thing…oh my gods Phoebe if you are out there I am sorry that you're dating me

  • honest Pancake

    i feel validated

  • A Day Without Conscious

    They labeled me schizophrenic
    Cuz theyre afraid of what i will discover

    But i walk my own path
    For it is my Will to Conquer

    They say you only live once
    For if that is true
    I will make it count….
    …….

    Heres more
    https://soundcloud.com/adaywithoutconscious/a-night-with-conscious

  • Arjumand Bano Chughtai

    I have a crush on someone with depression and they have disappeared off all social media and I miss them and I love them but they don't know that it's been 5 days since they haven't texted back and I'm really sad

  • Moira Davis

    My boyfriend and I both struggle with mental illness and we're so perfect for each other, but my gosh I'm so scared. I'm so so scared.

  • Florian Ophrys

    THIS IS THE BIGGEST BORDERLINE FEELING EVER AND IT'S LIKE I JUST GOT PUNCHED IN THE GUT. God… This is just me…

  • Jasmine Dine

    i've written a collection of poems about the links between Bipolar disorder and creativity- using famous sufferers like Sylvia Plath/ TS Eliot /Virginia Woolf /Beethoven/Vincent Van Gogh as a subject for each one. If you'd like to read them please go to my blog at theunsweetenedalmond.blogspot.com 🙂 thanks!!!!!

  • xander lefleur

    Never date or marry anyone with mental illness. It's an exhausting and drama-fill shit show.

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