Colin Quinn Talks About Surviving a Heart Attack
-Hi! How are you?
-Hi. I’m fine. -Welcome back.
-Thank you. -Just fine?
-What’s that? -Just fine?
-Well, because I’m sick and ti– I wish I could be
behind the desk. Now, ever since
the days of social media, now you go on a show,
I’m supposed to be funny. That’s all.
-Uh-huh. -But now I have people who think
they’re Tim Gunn, you know, my Twitter followers. They’re wearing Jorts
and, like, cut-off, you know, Ultimate Fighter
shirts, and they’re like, “Those are the same sneakers
you wore three months ago.” It’s like, “Shut up.”
[ Laughter ] In the old days, you’d just — -Do you feel
self-conscious about it? -It just irritates me
that everybody can judge your wardrobe that’s not even
in the fashion industry. -Okay.
-It’s bad enough we live in a world
where Fashion Week is every month in New York,
but now you have idiots all over the place going,
“Yeah, I saw the jacket.” Shut up. You don’t know
what you’re talking about. -Not only do you look
presentable, you look very fit. You look very healthy.
And these are all good things, because since
the last time I saw you, you had a heart attack.
-I had a heart attack. And, you know —
No, here’s what bothers me. ‘Cause I’ve been
in the business 105 years. [ Laughter ] And I still have to tell people
I had a heart attack. Just now,
the guy from TMZ downstairs. I swear to God, walking in, I go,
“Well, I had a heart attack.” “You had a heart attack?”
Even TMZ, I have to tell them. [ Laughter ] That’s not fame the way
I always thought it would look. [ Laughter ] Sorry. I’ll tell you
a true but sad story. These guys were bringing
a couch up a stoop down by where I was,
and this guy recognized me. Knew my name, ’cause I’m famous.
-Yeah. -And he goes, “Colin Quinn, grab the other end
for a second?” He was serious. He wanted me to help him
bring a couch up the steps. You know, it’s like, “Rihanna,
you got jumper cables?” [ Laughter ] But, yeah, I had heart attack,
and — you know, people — I look at it, it’s not the end.
It’s the beginning of the end. -Okay.
[ Laughter ] -Because now
I know I’m gonna die. Like, before this,
I figured I’d probably die. -Uh-huh.
-You know, you figure, but now I’m like, “Oh, no. I’m really gonna be
one of those that dies.” [ Laughter ] And the thing that bothers me
the most is — two things. One is, all my comedian friends, you’d expect them to be original
and have, like, a take. The same, tired clichés
that you people would say — no offense.
[ Laughter ] Crowd’s like, “Heh. Hey.” Yeah, they’re like,
“You were really lucky.” I’m like, “Yeah,
that was my lucky day. I should’ve played
Powerball that day.” [ Laughter ] That’ll go down in history
as my lucky day that I’ll always think about.
And, um… No, but it’s like, I know how
people look at heart attacks. Like, I always looked
at heart-attack people, and I know people
look at me that way now, which is, like,
“You’re not dead, but you’re not a reliable
member of the planet.” [ Laughter ] “You’re not somebody that we’re
gonna count on in the long run. You know, give plans like
a month ahead, nut, you know… ‘Cause it’s, like,
you’re on, like, some kind of a warning track
or an on-deck circle. You’re not dead, ’cause
the most important thing in life is survival, and you’re not
great at that, basically. [ Laughter ] ‘Cause if I went out —
Like, if right now, anybody in this audience
goes outside and dies in the street, on 49th street,
it’ll be a tragedy. If I die, people will be like,
“That was sad. He didn’t have the heart,
though, You know?” [ Laughter ]