DEPRESSION: The 7 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN WOMEN & MEN | Kati Morton
Today I’m gonna talk with you about the seven differences between men and women when it comes to depression. Something interesting that I found when doing research for this video was the fact that women are two times more likely than men to get depression. And that can be based on a lot of different issues from hormonal issues – we know from my videos about PMS and PMDD that women have a lot of hormonal changes we tweek from month to month, a lot of things can change, not to mention if we decide to have a baby and that’s its whole other realm of hormonal changes, but something else that was – actually to me – more fascinating was that fact that women actually tend to ruminate on negative things more than men. We spend nights awake worrying about things more than men. And so because of what I’ve talked before if you’re an OG viewer you know that I tell you to do some thought stopping. Talk back to that negative voice because otherwise we spin and spin and spin and then we wind up in a really shitty place. Am I right? So taking notice of this and I think recognizing the fact that these are all of the components together that make women more apt to be depressed than men, I think there is a lot that we can actually do, but today I;m here to talk to you about the differences, so that we can recognize as men and women how it may present so that we can get help sooner and feel better faster. The first difference is that women tend to feel more sad and worthless. Whereas, men tend to feel more irritable and agitated. And so you can see how some people would view the women as being more depressed. I think that might also lead to why they think women are two times more likely because we express – quote, unquote – the symptoms of depression; what people think depression looks like. And you and I both know it can look like a lot of different things. The second difference between men and women is that women take it out on themselves. We hold that icky shitty feeling inside. We’re like, “I’m a bad person. I hate this. This is terrible.” And we cry and we sit at home and we take it out on ourselves. Men tend to lash out at other people. And blame it on others. And I think that that – again – is maybe why we’re more apt to have “depression.” The third difference between men and women is that women tend to cope with food and friends. We spend a lot of our time talking to our friends about it. We may binge eat. We may not eat. I’ve talked a lot about depression in general and how increased appetite or lack of appetite are symptoms of depression. Men, on the other hand, tend to cope with TV, sex and alcohol. So a lot of them will go out. Like we said before, they’re gonna push it outward. They’re gonna blame others. So they may have a slew of sexual partners. They may watch a lot of sports and TV and play video games. So they’ll be on TV a lot; spending a lot of time doing that. And they’ll drink a lot. Men tend to binge drink more than women. All very fascinating to me. The fourth difference between men and women is that women actually tend to get depressed more about a stressful life event. Men, on the other hand, have the ability to kind of say, “Oh, it was just something that happened. Get over it. We’ll be fine.” Whereas, women – kind of what I said at the very beginning – we tend to ruminate on stressful bad happening and we tend to spin, so at night we will have our thoughts running about this bad thing and it’s kind of turning a mole hill into a mountain. So if you find yourself doing this – like I always say – and I know you’re gonna roll your eyes, but we have to talk back to those negative thinking and thought stop. I know it’s hard at first, but if we get in the habit of saying “I’m going down that road again. I don’t have time for this. I won’t sleep. I’ll feel shitty tomorrow.” If we thought stop and say, “No. You know what? I’m gonna think about the fact that this happened and that this was good.” or “I’m gonna see my friend in a week and that’s really exciting.” or “Hey, I got that new Nespresso machine and that’s awesome.” Whatever it is, try to focus your mind on something positive and force it out of that negative cycle. The fifth difference is that women are much more apt to have a coexistent eating disorder. Now let’s think about that for a second. Why would that be? Because we cope with food. Like I said before – number 3 – and so if you find yourself not eating or overeating, please reach out for help. Eating disorders are a real issue; a real thing. And I’ve talked over and over about this – this being my specialty, right? That eating disorders are really just an unhealthy coping skill for something that’s going on. So let’s say that stressful life event we just can’t over, we’re ruminating and we find, “Well that may be out of control to us, but I’m gonna control this.” or “I’m gonna eat till I’m so full that I don’t even think about it anymore” or I’m not gonna eat until I’m so hungry that I can’t even think about that thing anymore because all I can think about is French fries.” So we do that as a way to kind of “numb out.” Like the need to numb, right? Because things can be overwhelming. So if you find yourself not eating or eating too much, please, please, please see a therapist. And I even have a free eating disorder workbook on my website. You can download it right now and start working and it will help you feel better, find healthy coping skills instead of ruminating in that kind of nasty eating disorder. And the sixth difference is that depression is more debilitating in women and this is because we tend to not only lean on our supports – our friends, our family, our spouses, our loved ones – but we also tend to ruminate – like I said before – and so they find with women the depressive symptoms tend to last longer and go on for a longer period of time. And we also, in some people’s cases, ruin relationships in that time period because we’re leaning on them so much, we’re complaining all the time and honestly we’re difficult to be around. And so keep that in mind and that is honestly why seeking professional help is so important. I’m not gonna get pissed off if you’re complaining all the time. That’s what I’m here for. You come to my office to essentially bitch and moan if you need to. Cry if you need to. Scream if you need to. I’ve even had a client throw themselves on the floor and be like, “Today was fucking horrible!” That fine! That’s what you come to therapy for. On the other hand, friends can sometimes at a certain point be like, “Hey, you know, I’m at the end of my ability to help you.” And the seventh difference – and I really just want you all to hear this one. If you haven’t heard anything except this, just remember this – we reach out more often than men. Yaaaay! That’s so exciting! Because we like to talk more essentially. They say women use two times the amount of words in a day than men do. I like to talk. I also like to listen, but I also like talk. And so we reach out for help more quickly than them. I also wonder if this – I’m just hypothesizing with you – I wonder if this has to do with the fact that we “look more depressed” and our friends may tell us, “Hey, time to seek help.” And men tend to just kind of get irritable, agitated, aggressive, but either way, no matter what symptoms your feeling reach out for help. There is no need to feel shitty any longer. There are so many professionals available. I know there’s even online things available. I’ll put some links down in the description to give you more resources so that you can get help more quickly. And if you haven’t been on my website yet, hello, there’s chat 24/7 with other people maybe going through the same thing, maybe not. Maybe they’ve already been there. And they can help an support you in those dark moments. Maybe it’s three in the morning and nobody’s awake. They can give you a little extra boost to get you through your day. And if you’re new to my channel, don’t forget to subscribe. Psychology and mental health is so fascinating and I will be bringing videos to you two times a week and I’ll see ya next time!