FEAR OF INTIMACY &  the 5 Ways to Overcome it | Kati Morton – Love, Relationships, Dating & Sex

FEAR OF INTIMACY & the 5 Ways to Overcome it | Kati Morton – Love, Relationships, Dating & Sex


Hey everybody. Today we’re going to talk about the fear of intimacy. Where does it come from and what can we do to help it? (Introduction Music) So like I said today we’re going to talk about the fear of intimacy. Many of you have reached out and asked if I would talk about this and I know that there’s a lot of talk and chatter online about the fear of intimacy being related to social phobia or different anxieties, but I think it’s more important for us to actually dive into where the fear of intimacy comes from so we can work in therapy or on ourselves individually and help better our relationships. First of all I just want to say this if you are out there and you’re in a relationship with someone who has the fear of intimacy and you find them often putting you off or maybe not giving you as much attention as you need or you don’t feel they’re emotionally available like you want. Know that that doesn’t always mean that they don’t care. Often people who struggle with the fear of intimacy will think that they’re giving you as much attention as you possibly need and being as emotionally available as they would want. Because it’s really difficult for them to understand what a “normal amount of this is” And they feel like they’re doing everything they can. Now it’s my belief that the fear of intimacy comes from us not having a secure attachment. Now, I know I’ve talked about this in the past, but just to refresh your memory, a secure attachment is what forms when we are babies or small children whenever we express discontent or being uncomfortable or something may be hurting us a parent comes in, soothes us, lets us know that our emotions are okay. How we feel is normal. It makes us feel, it’s like very validating. and we feel taken care of and soothed. That’s how we form a secure attachment. An insecure attachment or what we call, and I wrote it down because I always forget, avoidant or dismissing type or reactive attachment is when We cry or we express discontent and a parent doesn’t show up. They aren’t around or they’re like oh, he’ll cry it out. Or we had a completely smothering parental type where they’re all about it, and worry so much about how we’re feeling. And that anxiety gets picked up on And either way, either extreme creates an insecure attachment. Now the reason that I believe this leads to fear of intimacy is because many people grow up thinking that Emotions that they feel are not okay. Either A.) no one’s going to come to our rescue. Maybe we’re making this up. Maybe I don’t have the right to feel this way or if we’re on the smothering end it may, we may think “oh, I”m going to burden that person too much. It’s going to be too stressful if I express what’s actually happening.” And so the only safe way to be is to not feel any of those emotions, So we stick them deep within ourselves and tuck it away, and hope that it goes away. And then when we’re adults it can even be scary to consider feeling things and letting those emotions out. Because if you think about it all of our experience hasn’t been good. And it can make us feel very vulnerable and wonder what we’re going to get out of it. Are we going to have somebody completely abandon us, because that would be another deep wound right? Or are we gonna have someone freak out and make things feel worse for us And then we worry what we’ve done to them, and then we freak out in the end also. And so you can see how it can be really scary To go from having an insecure attachment to try to learn how to properly express emotions. But don’t worry you can do it. Now before I get into the ways that we can fix it, I want to address the fact that those of us who really struggle with fear of intimacy don’t usually know that we do. It only tends to come out most commonly through work and work relationships, because we’re forced to work. We have to pay our bills, right? And so we’re forced into relationships with people, and then these situations may arise. Where we maybe end up in therapy or talking to someone else like what happened? Or in romantic relationships. And so usually it takes us awhile to even recognize this is something that we struggle with. So now let’s get into how to fix it, and I have five ways. The first is CBT or DBT therapy. Now before we even get into the five ways that we can fix it, know that CBT and DBT therapy tend to be best. Now there’s the most research about CBT, so if you go looking yourself, you’ll find that they recommend CBT, but because I’m a DBT therapist as well I find a lot of overlap with the ways that I would help treat this in my practice. And so I think that CBT and DBT can both be beneficial. Now the first way that we can help fix it is by practicing expressing how we feel. I know that sounds really hard and difficult, but instead of just saying “oh, I’m fine don’t worry. I’ll be okay. No. I’m fine.” I’m going to trying to brush things off. What if instead we said “Yeah, I’m just feeling really overwhelmed right now. Give me a minute.” And then we take the time to kind of decompress. Maybe we check in with ourselves. Maybe we click the link in the description, and find this feelings wheel that’s amazing. And we highlight one or two of those feelings, and we come back and say “You know I’m just feeling really angry, but I think I’m feeling angry because I’m actually feeling really hurt.” That would be great. And practicing communicating our emotions is the first step to helping with fear of intimacy. And that actually goes into the second one, because I’ve already kind of talked about it but using feeling sheets. I have my clients do it at least twice a day I know that sounds like a lot But imagine all the emotions that are actually going through your head every day or your body that you’re kind of trying to ignore. You’ll be surprised how many feelings and emotions that you have. And so I use these feelings charts for my clients, so they can circle them maybe once in the morning and once in the evening. So that we can kind of track how they’re doing, and I would encourage you to do the same. Like I said there’s a link in the description. Now the third way to help is to practice reading emotions on others. Many of the people that I’ve talked with who struggle with fear of intimacy have a hard time reading other people. And knowing when other people are upset, because some people might not come out and say it to us directly. We may struggle to read it on their body language and their face. And so I would encourage you to have a trusted friend, family member, loved one who you can bounce this off of as you practice. So as you meet other friends and family members, maybe afterwards you say to them, “Hey. I got the feeling that they actually were having a pretty good time and going well. Is that correct?” Or maybe “She was seeming a little distraught and kind of scattered, like she was really busy. Am I right with that?” And checking in with them, because the more we practice the better we improve and the quicker we can actually read people’s emotions and make sure that we’re doing the best we can to support them. Because the more we practice this the better we’ll get and the quicker we’ll be able to recognize emotions on others. The fourth: Be patient. As you can tell all of these things that I’m asking you to do take a lot of time and practice. But it does get better, and it does get easier. Just give yourself a little time and cut yourself a little slack. It just takes us practicing day in and day out before it becomes (snaps fingers) actually like an automatic thing that we do. So just be patient. You’re doing the best you can. And the fifth and final way to work on fear of intimacy is to practice calming techniques. Whether or not we’re in a distressing place I want you to start practicing now. Breathing techniques, distraction techniques. Maybe there’s a way that you, you know tense and relax muscles without people really noticing. There can be a bunch of different things that you do to help yourself relax. But practicing when we’re not in distressing environments helps us, so that when we go into maybe one of those conflictual situations where we normally would numb out and distance ourselves or maybe walk away or maybe just go deep inside. You know feel like we’re kind of maybe dissociating. Maybe that’s a way that we cope with it. Instead of doing those coping skills, let’s try relaxing, so we can stay present. and we can actually have discussions and conversations even if they’re a little uncomfortable. And hey, maybe soon, we’ll be able to say, “You know I’m feeling really overwhelmed. I’m going to have to walk away, but can we, you know, take up this conversation again in about 30 minutes when I feel a little better?” You’ll find that people actually respond well to that. And you can get better with practice. Just like I said be patient. It does get better know that you’re not alone. Like I said only 55 percent of people grow up with secure attachments So how many of us are roaming around struggling with intimacy because it feels unsafe? And it’s hard to be vulnerable. We may not even know how to be vulnerable. I hope this helps. I hope you find all of these tips and tricks and where it comes from interesting and helpful in your daily life. And please share, you never know who would need this information. And if you’re new to my channel click here to subscribe. I put out videos twice a week And you don’t want to miss them. If you want to know what I’m up to my regular life, click any of these links to follow along. And I’ll see you next time

Comments

(100 Comments)

  • Mardas Man

    I just broke up with my girlfriend after just a week, because my fears got worse and worse and worse inside our relationship. Her depression and borderline issues triggered and strengthened these existing fears so much that I'm almost done.
    I need someone stable to start a relationship with. The problem was that I hoped that this was safe and could work, because she was a long-time friend that I already know so well. The fact that she accepted the fact that I had rejected her wanting to have sex and intimacy with me twice, felt good, it built trust. But I think I underestimated her and my own problems, and now I have to return to a feeling of safety to be able to have a relationship again, because I already caught myself editing my dating platform profile to make it as unappealing as possible.

  • Samir C. Cat

    For those of you who feel uncomfortable with physical imtimacy:
    I just want to inform people that there is such a thing as asexuality. It's the orientation where you don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone, and it's something you're born with just like being gay/bi etc. It's not because of physical defects, not an illness, not because of abuse ettc. It's not because you want it but is afraid. It's just a lack of attraction. However, you can be romantically (emotionally/spiritually) attracted to people and want to have a relationship. Check out AVEN on the internet, the biggest platform for us asexual people. Also "Asexuel archives" is very educational.
    I didn't realise I was asexual until I was 27, so just thought I should throw the information out here. Best of luck, no matter what.

  • JABF

    I remember always some sort of mild anxiety at the beginning of every relationship but in 2005 after going thru mercury poisoning my anxiety level goes up every time I’m trying to get into a relationship, I was hoping to by this time I’ll be done with that. It sucks because I really enjoy the physical connection but seems to be unable to stabling a emotional one.

  • Jasmine Elizabeth

    I’m just scared of it hurting lolololol

  • P D

    I grew up having everything I said or expressed used against me

  • Tuvshinbat Sundui

    I hav e fear intimacy. Almost not slept for 20 year virgin male. How sad…..

  • Samir C. Cat

    Oh, you're a DBT-therapist! THAT'S why you say such good thing, haha! DBT saved my life, without it I'd still be anorexic, cutting my legs to shreds and live on psychiatric hospital wards and nursing homes. Now I live at home with my mom, normal weight and self harm very, very seldom. I'm in control of my emotions, except when I have a bipolar episode, but that's kinda normal, haha!

  • Hamza Aboalfaraj

    Your Asian.

  • Andy Norvell

    I just cant be intimate with someone l do not love or feel connected to lv tried..it is a mixture of fear and nervousness But lm autistic..

  • ss ss

    My mom was the most loving person on earth she treated me like a queen. I just didn't have a dad. But I was too yong (3 months old) to be missing my dad. So I guess my dat can't be the reason? So what is it then?

  • Rebecca Black

    Is intimacy Anorexia one of these

  • Rebecca Black

    Dbt?

  • Michael Skinner

    …What about scarring?

    Or say you have a rare..disorder and you have certain anatomical structures… missing…

    …I think this can be more involved than attachment styles…

  • Valerie Stout

    I prefer platonic relationships! I'm 51! Had a hysterectomy. Prone to UTI. I have anxiety just thinking about sex! Why do we think it's ok to be homosexual.. bi..or heterosexual but not to be asexual? Some of us dont feel secure in our relationship( romantically) and often are let dwn or disappointed by our partner( for good reason) and they expect us to jump to want sex . Example: continuous financial abuse or lies or triangulation w a sport or hobby or co worker( friend) etc. Why would you want to have sex w that person? I think there are alot of factors! I prefer to be alone and have platonic relationships

  • sis

    You look like Betty from riverdale

  • Mauro Figueiredo

    At this point it's too late for me, i fear relationships more than death itself since I've had a heartbreak very long time ago that ruined my life and health, i swore to myself if the same thing happen again i would buy a gun and kill myself because I could not stand another heartbreak, doesn't worth the risk.

  • Goteiii

    The way I get comfort and emotional support is by spending time alone. After all these years the only person I need to pat me on the back and tell me it's gonna be ok is me. I always had the tendency to resolve as much of my issues on my own and only ask for help when I'm about to give up. And because I rarely ask for help I don't understand why others can't be as self sufficient.

    It's probably the way I grew up. I spent too much time alone cause I'm an onlychild and my parents are onlychildren. So I didn't even have cousins my age. I spent lots of time with adults who, while being there for me, weren't the kind of company a kid would enjoy. So, I isolated myself on purpose and I entertained me and started conversations with myself (and that's how you grow up to be an introvert). Later I started using my imagination to argue with myself, by testing my own thoughts against arguments presented by a simulation of people I knew. Sometimes I argue with someone that hears my ideas for the first time, while I've usually already run a simulation of this conversation already in my head. The simpler the topic, the more accurate the simulation is… To the point I get frustrated when I have to go through all that, all over again, in real life. It's only when I know/feel I lack the knowledge and percpective that I think "I'd really like to talk with X and see what s/he has to say on the matter."

  • AceAbby09

    I want to be in a relationship but when it gets real close, I just back up a little and then I'm like "OMG WHY DID YOU DO THAT!? THAT WAS MY CHANCE!" I like this guy called Ryan and he likes me, but I'm just scared to be with him…

  • joel serrahn

    There is absolutely unattractive to EVERYONE…so at 70 i have never had sex!! I am afraid to let ANYONE IN!

  • Maran L

    Like your shirt btw

  • psishik

    By saying ‘be patient with yourself’ she didn’t mean ‘wait for 35 years’ right?

  • sminthian

    I just know that I'm flawed and she deserves better than me. If I really care about her, she should be doing better. So, I'm actually doing her a favor by not going out with her.

  • zeal2645

    What do you do if you try expressing how you feel and it always backfires ? 😂😅 People either ignore me, make it a competition or tell me I'm lying….

  • Die Potato

    I wish I could be more represented

  • nadda

    I have fear of intimacy, but i really know how to read people

  • Ilove giraffes

    You see I’m dating someone but I just feel like it’s bad that I’m dating him and stuff I just feel very weird but I really want to be with him.I just can’t open up.🤷‍♀️

  • Melody Temple

    Dude, this is me 100% I'm only 3 mins in

  • Blah Anger

    It never gets beter and life sucks…

  • Chelsea Rhiannon

    Wow I'm so grateful for this video, it's helped me a lot! Thank you for the way you described these things – I relate to it so much and find it very helpful!

  • Rene’ Schultz

    I will absolutely never allow myself to take the risk again. He knows my feelings. He knows my thoughts and emotions. I’m perfectly calm. It’s been 8 years. I will NEVER anything with anyone ever again

  • Clarisa Gonzalez

    I have the fear of being in an abusive relationship and if that doesn't happen then I get worried that I won't like the person as much as they like me and I'll get tired of them or the other way around of them getting tired and annoyed of me

  • The Breakfast Clubber

    hey Kati, can you explain why we have intimacy even when we become adults, when we actually developed this as children? It’s weird because I don’t remember my relationship with my mom when I was a few years old, but I do know she wasn’t nice to me because she’s always been angry all the time. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depression and Anxiety, and I think the cause was because of my mom.

  • SuperHappyNotMerry

    I already suspected my fear of intimacy had something to do with how my attachment to my mother developed as a child. I grew up not having my emotional needs attended AT ALL. My mom protected me and cared for me in so many ways, but in that aspect I certainly didn't receive the attention I needed. I was such an emotional and anxious child by nature so whenever my mother left my concerns unattended and I never learned to handle or understand what I was feeling I just learned to not like showing my emotions.

    Whenever conversations delve into intimate, emotionally charged territory I am left feeling very vulnerable and push people away.

    It takes me years to get to a point where I can maintain an intimate friendship based on unconditional love and despite wanting a relationship I have never been able to have one because as soon as my feelings are returned I freak out. I start panicking because relationships are all about letting someone into the softest parts of your life, and to me that makes me feeling so vulnerable and scared. I envy my friends with secure (or even anxious) attachment styles because at least they can let themselves get _attached_.

    This is definitely something I want to work on, slowly but surely so that my relationships flourish and I can finally feel emotional intimacy without feeling like I'm being attacked. Because in the moments (both with friends and family) when I've managed to let those barriers down for a little bit is when I've felt closest to the people I love.

    Thank you for making this video. I will definitely try to work on this, even if it's at a snail's pace.

  • Haircules

    CBD and THC got it

  • x.

    I just feel like every guy I meet is going to inevitably break my heartsomehow.. cheating basically normalized nowadays and we seem to blame it on animalistic instincts which is a huge fucking excuse. I dont want my heart broken again, so it feels safer to stay single. The last time I had my heart broken the breakup was sudden and the fallout of it gave me physical pain and withdrawal. Like no. Not fucking with that again.

  • michele Mcghie

    Is it just me or did this video give me anxiety..

  • crystal dahmer

    I always like people too much and end up leaving them without a word or a heads up because I don’t like being obligated to live up to who they think I am or who I could be…… help.

  • Lucy Mason

    I’ve had crushes and 3 of those guys i liked actually liked me back. And 1 of those guys, is a guy that im pretty sure i love. But when i know that they like me back or when they tell me that they like me.. i get scared and shut them down and run away. It rlly sucks cuz i actually do wanna be in a relationship. But when i get the feeling that i can get into a serious relationship, i get anxiety, i freak out and think A LOT. And try to find a way to end it.

    Have i sunken too deep? Is my case so bad that i cant fix it? Im rlly worried cuz im still 16 and i realized these things. I’ve talked to someone who i trust so much about this. Even she could see i have the fear of intimacy and fear of commitment.

  • Elena Macenzzim

    I'm suffering of everything connected with sex, I'm scared of pregnacy, I'm scared of Aids, I'm scared literally about everything.

  • Ghost Warrior official

    i lost my girlfrend 5 day's ago afther 4 years i havent talked whit girls in 4 years its kind of hard

    to live life

  • Robert Cullagh

    whats the fix?

  • Eli Giordano

    I'm scare but Idk why

  • • j a y n i n i a •

    One parent taught that showing emotions is bad bc people will wanna take advantage of it. Intimacy in any way is wrong, as a result of her own past. Very protective. Other parent taught me that my emotions were invalid, grew up with a dad that wasn't there (emotionally, also was in the army). Very distant.
    They're still learning, and I am too.

  • leila b

    I try so hard to get close people it’s really my goal but I always feel like i’m holding something back or I’m not truly expressing what I feel. It also depends who I am with, sometimes i’m very affectionate and sometimes i act like I hate the person. I am so inconsistent and it’s fucking me up

  • fieryelf

    In my head, having someone flirt with me or try to engage in a romantic way with me just stresses me out so much, the only solution is to shut them out. I had this girl who was texting me because she wanted to get to know me better. Every time I'd hear the ring tone I'd start panicking and get massive anxiety. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't think. If being with someone makes me feel like that my whole life, I'd rather be alone. I just told her I wasn't into her and that was the only way I could get back into a normal mindset.

  • Logan Wynn

    I avoid romantic relationships and intimacy because I’m afraid they might secretly hate me, or go crazy and might try to bust down my door, Hell, they might even have IED.

  • MrUniman69

    I don't fear intimacy, I just don't like it…….it's claustrophobic. I have ended up avoiding sexual relationships with every woman I have been in a relationship with, including my ex-wife, I can only perform sexually with new partners or one night stands.

  • The Neon Tiger

    so I have a nd and I liked him alot and now I don't know why but I hate it… help me pls.

  • Ginelle The Red Knight

    I hate it when people compliment me and I don’t know why.

  • Kim Madison

    Missing with strangers are scary even with protection

  • Sport Sport

    Just spread the love, give some other a hug and it will turn you back, the rest will become more and more easy, psss nobody is perfect but beat your fears

  • Halen Sunday

    I got out of an abusive relationship last october. My partner had been in my life since I was 17 and i'm 32 now. The end was very violent and I spent time in hospital. I really want to date again and I have met nice guys but last minute I cancel dates or make excuses. I feel panicky at the thoughts of being physically or emotionally vulnerable. I don't really understand it.

  • Hackney

    Hey Kati, why do therapist's protect and make excuses for toxic parents?

  • Mike Soda

    I found this & it's not what I'm looking for but I can't find it at all so I might as well comment anyway. I don't fear intimacy I hate it, the act of kissing, holding hands or even just glaring into each others eyes really bothers me. I'd gladly watch a couple have rough public sex, but if they get romantic I'm out. I've kissed a girl before, tastes nasty, my hands are sweaty & it gets worse if they're in contact with another's hand so why would I want that? None of these actions accomplish anything either, sex does, orgasm, but even that's it. My friends think I'm prude but I don't think how I feel fits that definition. So if anyone knows what I am, please could ya let me know?

  • emanuelgoldstein1984

    Stay away from avoidants. They are a waste of time and energy.

  • Mr. Geek 2020

    I've had both parental types, is that bad, or should it balance it out?

    (Smothering and dismissive)

  • Esther Grindle

    Is it possible for someone to not even feel the need for the affection as a young child so that as an adult they feel like they never wanted affection as a child? Or is there something different that makes even a young child not want affection?

  • Nine Ball

    People who have the fear of intimacy should probably not be in relationships, don't you think? If someone fears intimacy and they are dating you then they were probably forced or coerced into that relationship. Stop blackmailing or forcing people into relationships.

  • TheGreatOtaku

    I recently ended a 5 years friendship with a lovely, beautiful and smart girl, super cute when she wears her black glasses. It happened so fast and completely unexpected it left me shattered and broken right now. As it turns out my friend has a "Fear of Intimacy", and I only found that out after I read her breakup text to me. I have always suspected she may have a mental health issue like anxiety or bipolar disorder but I never really confront her about these things. I am not entirely sure if she even knows she has these mental health issues. She's always friendly, polite and kind and never raise her voice at me, not once in the 5 years we have known each other. Unlike me. Throughout the years I wanted more than just a friendship, I wanted an intimate relationship. She outright rejected me every time. No kisses, no hugs, no holding hands and told me friendship is all she has to offer. We don't even exchange Christmas presents because it scares her. Recently a third party was trying to divide us apart so he can be with her, he may have succeeded. I highly doubt she wants to be with this guy person, they only recently met through me. He secretly asked her to go to events with him, she may have gone with him. When i confront her about this I yelled at scream at her. I am really ashamed and embarrassed by this and regrets it deeply. I shouldn't have lost my temper. We have known each other for almost 5 years, we went to Vietnam, Japan and Quebec city together for the winter festival. And now we are no longer friends, I am completely heartbroken and fearful that I may never see my lovely and beautiful friend again. What should I do now? Is this over for us? Will there ever be a chance she'll reach out to me in the coming weeks/months? I like to help her and support her and do what I can. I don't want to reach out to her anymore because she's a very timid person, so I don't want to scare or terrify her in any way. Had I known what I know now, I would have been less forceful. I know mental health is a serious issue and it was completely unfair to her, what fool I am. I may have lost the most important person in my life.

  • Trigger The Troll

    Not only are all females unconsciously disappointed with smaller than average size penises: they're also unconsciously contemptuous of them (and by extension those males who have them). Sorry guys.

  • Jack Of Trades

    thank you, so much for this

  • Horses For You

    Whenever I have a crush, I like them, I want too be with them, but I'm afraid too be with them at the end so I'm scared at getting in a relationship.

  • Andrea Cadena

    I’m just so comfortable when it comes to the moment when I’m with him but when I start thinking about being alone with him I start panicking

  • Emily L

    THANK YOU! People think I'm heartless but it's actually my fear of getting hurt so I keep a distance emotionally.

  • David Gindi

    How would this help me if I don't even talk to anyone in the first place? It must be different for men because we do all the approachinf

  • robyn

    idk what to do because i have a huge fear of intimacy but my parents have always been super caring and there for me 🙁 and every video says the same thing

  • Kyle Stead

    Awesome. Thank you

  • nemo marcus

    I am just confused. I know people want to get close to me. They have actually verbalized it. I just don't know what to do with that or even if I want to have a relationship.

  • avada kabitch

    I think that I simply need a psychologist. I have so much stuff in my past that I always thought it didn’t affect me anymore, but then last night a guy openly flirted with me in front of my friends, complimenting me and being super gentle, and I almost had an anxiety attack. Just… what the fuck… what the heck is wrong with me. I have never dated anyone nor made out with anyone, because this constant feeling that they might find me disgusting even though I know when I’m looking attractive or not. Many people flirted with me before and I have no problem on rejecting subtly, but last night had me messed up for at least 12 hours. I’m just… devastated with my own weaknesses.

  • Only_Yours_8064

    I’ll think about a relationship or get in one and suddenly I start thinking of everything bad that could happen and totally flip out, break up with them, run then ignore them. I’ve tried but I always get scared it’s gonna fail. I’m also afraid of the aftermath and all the shit that comes with a failed relationship

  • Ginelle The Red Knight

    I most likely have my sever fear of intimacy because when I was a little kid, as the youngest, I was left alone with my mother who got sick quite frequently and so I was left to entertain and soothe myself when I couldn’t wake her up since she had a migraine and I was afraid of making the pain worse for her. She also had depression, and often felt guilty about things, and would smother me a bit on days she didn’t have a migraine. Now I can’t even go on more than 1 date with someone without me letting go of the relationship, and I have trouble simply letting in compliments.

  • Iole Maffei

    Thank you beautiful lots of love, blessings and happiness to everyone (: Don't worry we can do this guys <3

  • miro the_melancholicdreamer

    I don't know if I should be worried that this video was in my recommandation

  • Helena Rosno

    After watching this I might not have a fear of intimacy, but idk what’s going on because I’ve never been in a relationship and tend to push or freeze people out of my life? Idk why, all I know is that I’m scared and feel safe being alone

  • Selma

    You really need to do more on this. ❤❤

  • LotusElegant

    i hate myself, its so annoying that with my partner i feel scared to go in for the kiss even though we have kissed many times i still feel scared and i've tried almost everything and i don't think i'll ever be able to kiss a girl without fear.

  • Amanda melo

    Im feeling unloved, alone and uninteresting ):

  • james irwin

    My most secure attachment was to my dogs hanna and Clyde they are both dead now and i mostly feel nothing

  • West Coast Or Bust

    Please someone help! He’s getting closer and finally opening up after I made some major moves. Now I want to pull back. Ugh

  • West Coast Or Bust

    Should I tell him? Please help me. I feel sick.

  • West Coast Or Bust

    The thing is he has issues too. 🤷🏽‍♀️

  • Rachel Donald

    Watching this is really making me think I have intimacy issues. Because my dad wasn’t there growing up in the emotional sense, he said “That’s your mom’s job, my job is enforcing shit.” My mom wasn’t there emotionally either, she was more worried about paying the bills, making sure we were financially stable, feeding my brother and I, making sure we were physically okay. I’m not holding anything against her, because I now know she did try her best when I was growing up, so these issues are something that I’ll have to work on, or try to at least, lol

  • inmyheart forrver

    I do feek like this, but only on dates. I've always tomd myself that I just need more time to get to know someone, and that for me an emotional connection comes before a physical attraction, but after seeing your video, I could see how I am afraid of intimacy. I don't like it when people get to close to me because then it's harder to control. For example, I don't like it if on ome of the first dates, my date would kiss me suddenly. I want to be in control and only want to do what I feel comfortable doing. I did have a boyfriend that made me feel like I couldn't say no to him (with sex and other favours) or else I wouldn't love him enough/anymore or something like that. I wonder in retrospect whether that has messed me up in that i am uncomfortable with intimacy

  • Natalie Grace

    YES!!!!!! I want to let people in but once I open up to them I shove them away.

  • lmaoitsme : / :

    my ex left me for another girl, after months he decided to text me and say he missed me while I was finally moving on from all that. smh

  • Chris Larusso

    I need a lot of help with this

  • Eliana R

    I can't imagine myself in a relationship or marrying someone. I have this fear where someone can never love me for my body and my personality……….

  • Mary Ann Serpokrylova

    I can‘t build a relationship because of this fear…

  • Paul McGorian

    Nothing quite gets better . It all ends in cancer and death . O what joy .

  • m ws

    I don't know what intimacy is being mentioned here, I'm a male and scared of sexual intimacy

  • Danille Sindac

    I hate intimacy because I know I'm bad at it and I feel so much shame.

  • Sarah Schaefer Rivilla

    This is not useful if you have feelings that deserve you from engaging… this is seriously about being in a situation with another/partner & using these “techniques” to aid your engagement with your partner.
    The video should be labeled accordingly.

  • vickyy

    i just dont want to be comited cuz im scared of me losing feelings and breaking there heart and thats one of my biggest fears so i rather be single and not stuck and feel like a prisoner all the time!🤷🏿‍♂️idk just a thought

  • Yvonne Hemsworth

    my friends think am weird coz I have a fear of sex ,I really wana get over my fear but I don't know how,

  • B4H

    I thought I was the only one, Literally !!

  • Demi_Smith 428

    When I ask someone out my stomach feels like it’s scrunching into a ball and I start panicking so I instantly dump them and I feel so bad and I can’t be in a relationship without panicking 😕 do u know what this is called and how to help it ? X

  • Emma Marsden

    I liked this guy a while ago and then I found out he liked me too, my friends tried to get us together and I got so scared and idk why.. I kept thinking do I really like this guy or do I just like the idea of him and being in a relationship

  • Jennifires Ramen

    I’m just scared if someone asks me out and I reject them they will not be friends with me anymore. I am also afraid if me and that person ever broke up we would never talk and never be friends i just don’t want to be manipulated. I got asked out today and I rejected the guy and he was like “oh it’s fineee” but he kept messaging me saying “are u single” “just have a think about going out with me” and that just pressures me even more I got so scared and upset about everything. People my age are getting into couples and stuff and don’t get me wrong I want to get in a couple but I’m so so worried.

  • Emer Shovlin

    OMG thank you for this video

  • Alegria

    But I had a good childhood wtf

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