How Can You Help Someone With A Mental Illness? | Kati Morton

How Can You Help Someone With A Mental Illness? | Kati Morton


– Hey everybody, happy Monday. Now, today I wanna talk about something that I’ve heard from many
of our community members, one of which I was
talking to exactly today saying that a lot of the
most common questions that she sees in the comments
are, how do I help someone? If someone that I know in love
is struggling with depression or self-injury or eating
disorders or whatever, how do I help them? And I know I’ve talked about this before like on live streams and
what it really tells me is that our community is so great and everybody wants to help one another, and I love it so much. So today, I’m gonna give
you some helpful tips and ways that you can best assist those in your life who may be struggling. And my first tip is just to be a good friend. Even if it’s a family member, we can still be a friend to them, right? That means that we need
to call them, text them, send them voice memos. However you talk to them, do that. Check in on them. And these calls and text
and however you communicate doesn’t have to be like, hey, how’s recovery going, or hey, are you taking that medication? Like, how are you feeling? It really is just like,
hey, how’s it going? How are you feeling? I’d noticed you’ve been a little down and I want you to know I’m here for you. Because the thing that we need to remember is that we can’t force
anybody to do anything. It’s honestly best if we don’t try to push our agenda onto them. It’s better if we just check in. We care for them, we meet them where they’re at. We do our best to understand
what they’re going through and assist as much as we can, which kinda rolls into my second tip which is educate yourself. If you know a friend or family member’s going through depression, let’s say, find out how that feels for them. You can educate yourself on the back end like what is depression? How is it diagnosed? I have videos about
that if you’re curious. What kind of treatment could
they get if they want it? What could I offer to help them find? Is it just a therapist? Should they see a psychiatrist? Those are all things that we
can easily educate ourselves through YouTube, through
Googling, WebMD, whatever, we can find it, and so I would
encourage you to do that. And then ask them to tell you about it if they’re comfortable. Like what does it mean to them? If they’re struggling with depression, how does it feel? Is it just that you’re
really tired and lethargic or you feel irritable and angry? Or is it just really hard
to concentrate at work? Like how does it manifest for them? Because like I’m always saying, everybody’s body is different. Everyone’s mental illness
affects them differently. That’s why there’s a ton
of different symptoms that we kind of, as therapists, check off. They must meet three of
these or five of these out of like a whole list of 10. So ask them how it feels to them first before we just assume, because we don’t want to assume that everyone’s depression is the same. Like I just mentioned it could just be I’m really tired and lethargic. It could be that I’m
super, super irritable and angry at people, or could it be just
concentration difficulties. We don’t know. If we don’t ask, we don’t know. So notice if you’re making assumptions about their situation
and instead ask questions and seek to understand. And my third tip is truthfully to assist
in anyway that you can. This means that if we’re
checking in on them, tip number one, number two
we’re educating ourselves, and let’s say that friend
or family member says, you know, I would like to see a therapist or a psychiatrist or get in to treatment whatever it may be, we can help them out. That maybe, helping with a co-pay. If we’re a parent, and this
is our child or a friend, you could just say, hey, I’m happy to help if you the co-pay is like $30. I can spot you some if
that makes it easier. Or you can offer to pay for it in full. You can offer to take them there. You can offer to help them find someone. There are a lot of ways that we can assist in the
process of their recovery path. It’s just making sure that they’re already ready for that step, and we’re just going to make it easier for them to get the help that they need. And to that end I wanna talk
a little bit about 5150s because a member of our community just had one of their family
members that was 5150ed. And I just think it’s important that we understand that as family members, we cannot hold someone against their will. We can’t put someone in the hospital. Only people that can
do that are, you know, ENTs, therapists,psychiatrist,
other doctors, other health professionals. Those are the ones that
can actually 5150 someone. And that’s really a last resort. Like if you’ve heard me talk about it in, I have a video about that, too. I’ll link it in the description. But my video about 5150 is I talked about kind of why they exist because it is a way to
ensure that we are safe, meaning we’re not gonna harm ourselves and we’re not gonna harm someone else. That’s why 5150s actually exist. However, I know from personal experience with patients in the hospital, ’cause I used to work
where people who came in on a 5150 would see me first and I have to assess them and decide whether we would hold them
and see what the doctor or clinician was telling me. Do my own assessment and them maybe send them upstairs to the lock psych ward. It can keep us safe for a period of time but by and large I find that
it’s more harm than good. Yes, maybe, we were suicidal
but it could’ve helped if we had a therapist on board already. And they could have an
emergency session with us, or they could check in on us, or we had a family member
who would stay with us and help talk us through it. I know that a lot of people
and a lot of clinicians alike get really scared with
the topic of suicide or someone who’s homicidal,
wanting to hurt someone else. But I find that by and large most people just need to talk about it. Something’s happening and
they want someone to listen. And so that’s why those other
steps like seeing a therapist, getting an emergency session,
texting with your therapist, checking in, having a family
member or friend help us out. Like there are all these steps in place. Even back at the beginning, I usually do like a safety plan
with a patient preemptively. Then I’ll have them
sign a no harm contract. And so there are all these
steps that we put in place leading up to the last
resort which is a 5150 because when we put someone on a hold, it can, when we’re forcing
them to do something, and we all know that if we decide to do something on our own, for some reason we’re so
much more excited to do it. However if someone else pushes
and tells us we have to, we might not like it so much. And so just keep that in mind when it comes to helping someone else. We cannot make those in
our lives get better. And by forcing them to, like, if that’s the only conversations we have, if we’re trying to force
them into getting help, we’ll truly just push them
farther and farther away. And I’m sure a lot of you
watching this video right now have been in that situation where a parent or a friend has just like hounded you about it and you just kind of don’t talk to them anymore because you’re not at that place yet. And so keep that in mind
when you have a friend or a family member in your
life who’s struggling. Make sure that you hear them out. Let them decide their treatment. Obviously, like I said, the
5150s exist to keep us safe. But there are so many other
steps leading up to that and we have to just
support people check in. And I know that a lot of times
we can feel really helpless, and that’s a sucky feeling because we want them to get better
and we want to help. We know that they’re struggling. Especially if we have a
friend who’s depressed and we know that they
have suicidal thoughts. We can worry about them. But that’s why it’s important to check in. And sometimes just offer to pick up take out and come over and sit with them. “Let’s watch Netflix.” Not making it a big deal, just be in there because if you remember
part of our DVT skills, one of the things we have
to check in on is HALT. Are we hungry, angry, lonely, tired? That hunger and loneliness, as a friend or family member, we
can totally help with. We can cure it for that
chunk of time, right? And so just think of the
way as you can help those that you love gently, kindly, by just letting them
know that you’re there. And most importantly that you care and support them because we
don’t wanna push anybody away. We want everybody to
get the help they need when they need it most. And I think that applies to all issues, whether it’s self-injury,
eating disorders, depression, anxiety. I think all of us just need
to know that someone’s there thinking about us, they care about us, and they’re ready to help when they can. But as always I don’t
have all the answers. Those are just my thoughts. I would love to hear yours in the comments about how someone in your
life has successfully supported and helped you. Or if you’re a friend or family member of someone struggling, what did you do that
really worked out well and it really helped them. I would love for you to
share that in the comments down below and I will see you next time. Bye. (calm lounge music)

Comments

(80 Comments)

  • Gummy Bear

    A lot of people think that if they say "everyone has problems, you need to change as i did, i had worse problems or if i were you i would do this and that etc" they help and when you say "you are doing more harm to me than good by saying that" they say you are blessed that they give you advice but you don't appreciate. Some people just don't want to deal with someone else's emotions and they don't want to learn how to help you. They think they are good enough and know everything but you don't.

  • Tanya Marie Murphy

    It's very difficult for someone to understand exactly how you feel if they've never been through the same thing but it means so much when someone is actually willing to listen. Getting something of your chest normalises it, you begin to realise that you're feelings are validated. People can spend so much time inside they're own minds that they forget to speak about how they're feeling. Just listening to someone will mean a lot. x

  • Starlite Lemming

    I just want to point out that sending a text or email is NOT the same as making a phone call (and persisting until you get through). And that's not nearly as good as actually seeing someone in person. When nobody ever calls, eventually the little things stop counting, and it gets harder and harder to believe anyone cares at all. "I'm busy," is a terrible excuse. 🙁

  • Olivia Clink

    I made an incredible and helpful friend and mentor in the midst of a huge breakdown. She was overwhelmed and knew I was really struggling but didn’t know what to say or how to help. But she was willing to give me a ride to therapy- a year and a half later… she still helps me get to therapy but it is so much more than that. I know I have someone in my corner, someone who can give advice and just be there! It changed my life all because she was willing to give me a ride!

  • Kweanhifear

    Only commenting to heighten the traffic. Great video!

  • Merlyn Lauglaug

    Is this a mental issue? – when someone is scared of the next day, and crys at night every single night…

  • MLB! 0Taku_G0D !!! BB

    iv strugeled with suicidel thoughts self harm depresstion and anxiaty for as long as i can remeber and im still dealling with it but what really helped me was my dad being a person i could run to and someone who just let me be myself he gave me a safe space

  • Friendly Therapist Who Loves And Respects You

    Wow so many neat people here!

  • Nusrat Sharmin

    I always wanted to help everyone , specially people with mental illness , cz I can feel their hardships . They're not able to express their problems , because deep inside they're thinking that no one can understand their issues . mental health awareness is not growing everywhere . That's why we need more awareness more support . When we will support and help each other then the world will be a better place to live in 🌎💖
    dear Kati , thank you for this informative video . I've learnt a lot through your videos . 🌸

  • Vince Yutuc

    Be a good friend, educate yourself, assist in anyway you can. How I wish that some supernatural would whisper these to my friends.

    I have dysthymia, asking help from your friends is a gamble because if they didn't help you, your depression will get worse, so I stopped asking for help.

    I don't have time for psychotherapy, and I don't want medication because my depression is not major, and I believe doing self CBT will help myself.

    Hi Kati, I can't help but notice how high your left eye is compared to the left, and that makes me notice how beautiful your eyes are. 😁😊

  • Alayna

    its good to lend out a hand every now and then but set boundaries the person cannot cross. even if its family. we are not professionals

  • Becky R

    How do you help someone if they won't speak to you or anybody about what's going on no matter what?

  • Happy Sun

    💚💚💚💚💚

  • Alexandra Kitterman

    I have PTSD from a really bad car wreck, and with my internship this summer I ended up having a 45-50 minute commute every day, which made me really anxious. My best friend gets off of work around the same time as me every day and she talks to me my whole commute home. This really simple act of just talking to me while I’m driving has helped tremendously, and it’s a great way to “spend time together” when we have jobs in different cities this summer.

  • Vicky thecat

    This video actually made me quite sad … even after a serious suicide attempt, I had to walk back home on my own. No one ever offers me help; not even to cook for me or just come with me to the doctor's office. Everyone around me knows I am sick, chronically physically and mentally sick, yet I am all alone. For me illness means utter loneliness and the feeling of being on your own.

  • Kimra Ethridge

    Sometimes a hold keeps them alive until they are ready to pursue treatment

  • ruthisnothigh

    My parents have been so supportive through the past 2 year with my struggles with really bad anxiety/agoraphobia/emtephobia. They have done what they can when I have asked for help and they have not been angry when I haven't been able to do something. They have been frustrated but haven't made me feel like it is my fault that I am like this. They have stood by my side and given me so much love, support, and encouragement and I honestly cannot thank them enough. Even when it all started and I was so angry and upset because I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was, they never blamed me or forced me to do stuff. They talked to me and took me to the doctors and have paid for the many rounds of therapy. When I have wanted to do something, they have done it with me and if I have found something difficult, they will either try to make the situation more manageable or taken me away from the situation. I know there is nothing that I can say or do that will express my sincerest gratitude to them but I say thank you every day and tell them how much I love and appreciate them. I don't know how I would be today without their love and support through this rough time. I know that I am extremely lucky to have such amazing parents as I know that not everyone is a lucky as I am so I am trying not to take them for granted. So yeah…just having someone there to talk/vent to and for them to be able to support me in any way they can would help me. 🙂 x

  • Jojo X

    YOUR EYEBROWS ARE SO COOOL

  • Br F

    Comedy. I'm trying to get some supplies but they will not fit. The women will not even discuss spanking their boyfriend. There are a lot of criminals. The ladies are intimidated, and do not have the right stick or sex lock. How can we get a Pepsi? (them)

  • David Dolan

    What I have experienced is the person in full denial or worse knowing but no longer willing to care or even try….

  • David Dolan

    The closing comment really hits home for me. I never stopped trying but was at a point of breakdown. This began at separation from my EX NBPD out of control spouse. But my neighbour became my mental health support and much more for as long as I needed that level of support.

    I deal with severe medical or physical disability but my limit was exceeded with a plurality of difficult mental health symptoms starting with the C-PTSD AND ﹰ
    what that brings on in the acute spectrom. I was falling apart big time but she stood beside me during the worse of it.

    That is untill we agreed time to wean off onto my own feet. Still there to talk but I told her I know she saved my sanity, even my life, I will always owe her for what she was willing to freely give of herself….

  • Crafty Whale

    Thank you, I needed this right now!

  • Ms. Alright

    Can you talk about how to manage relationship with someone suffering from mental illness? How to make it work or how to breakup when things aren't right .. the Do's and Don't with them because it feel like you are walking over egg shells please guide 🙂

  • Romy

    Being mentally ill has ruined one of my friendships. my friend says I’m too dramatic and she’s too logical. I don’t know where my friendship stands but it’s made me feel so lonely and worthless. I hate being mentally ill and have people, even very close people, think I like drama or being a victim. I’m not a victim I’m just ill and I hate it. No matter how much I try to be normal it doesn’t work and I end up fucking up

  • OSarahKate

    What do we do when the person continuously refuses help (but doesn’t seem harmful other then verbally abusive)?
    I have a family member that I think would greatly benefit from seeing a therapist. I’ve mentioned it a few times over the last few years but she has yet to seek help.

    Despite everyone around her putting into practice all of your advice in this video (checking in as a friend, educating ourselves etc) Her depression & paranoia are getting worse and she is started to slowly lose all her friends and family because of how bad she is treating all of us.
    Any advice for gently getting someone treatment who is scared to seek it out themselves?

  • Boghunden

    So when my boyfriend first got out of the hospital we sat down and made lists. Lists of what we would like to do (play boardgames, cook food, that kind of stuff). We made lists of what he would like to do if he was in a dark place (exercise, go for walks etc.). We also made a schedule for when to shower, when to clean, all that stuff. It really helped us in the beginning. We still do schedules, but not as detailed, just if we have some appointments or there's something we really want to do

  • Sarah Ansdell

    I love this video.
    I think you already know who my support team is. Without them…you know where I would be.
    I really hope that everyone has at least one person in their corner for them.
    How Kati is describing this is super accurate, you want to try and stay positive and out of hospitaliazation if you can. 💖💖💖

  • Naomi Buskila

    Amazing job on building such a helpful and positive community!! I think it's about really checking in with the person like you said- how are YOU? Not how are your circumstances…

  • Hanna Belle

    My experience with myself and other people has been to also empower those people and let them know it's possible to lead a happy healthy life and that there are many tools available for them to get better or at least manage their condition.

  • Kira Powell

    Hey this is kinda unrelated to the video, but (TW) could you do a video about the romantification of mental health and how in the current "teen world" mental health is joked upon. Because people in my school will joke about killing themselves saying things like they are going to jump off a cliff all the time when they are not suicidal. I feel like this just makes people who actually need help, want to retreate from getting help because they think they won't be taken seriously. At this point we don't know who is joking and who is not and I see this as a big problem that no one is really addressing. As a personal dealing with mental health issues, I find it very hard to listen to all the time because it's not a joke (while I do understand some people joke as a coping mechanism). It makes me feel like my problems aren't real and don't really matter. Anyway sorry that was kinda a mini rant. Thankyou for everything that you do here on YouTube. It has people so many people, including myself ❤️

  • Eva Marx

    Another point: If a mentally ill person relapses, don't make them feel guilty (chances are, they already feel immense guilt even without you telling them off), instead try to help and support them!

  • carebear

    kati, can you PLEASE do a video on symptoms of ADHD in teens/if you think you might have it ?? my sister is convinced i have it and i agree w her. when you do videos like those, they are always really helpful and you only have ADHD videos for adults.

  • LauraDora

    How about helping someone who’s struggling mentally, when you also are too?

    This is someone we are really close to and they always help you, but you feel helpless when it’s the other way around :/
    I may be slightly more of a “special case”, because I struggle to read situations/emotions and how to act in the moment.

  • Samuel M

    Could you make a video on hypochondria since it doesnt seem like you have done one? It would be very interesting

  • Maddy Moo

    I want to die, I want to call suicide hotline but I don't want cops called. I don't want to do this anymore 😭.

  • Redleg Gunner

    Thank you Kati! This is very timely for me. I have been praying and seeking how i can help others who struggle with Depression Autism, ADD/HD, etc. Not as a medium to push my faith, but to just help others who struggle.

  • Derelict Geek

    It would have been more helpful if you made this video years ago. I made the mistake of trying to broach the subject of eating disorders with someone I realized had one after reading an article on an eating disorder website that recommended bringing up the issue because the person would be 'thankful'. That was a load of bunk. She dropped hints for over a year and I didn't put the clues together until after a year into the friendship. Even after I realized what was going on I didn't bring it up but I researched on what to avoid saying to reduce triggering her in anyway. After I followed the article's advice she stopped talking to me almost completely. Things went sideways from there pretty quickly. I learned to never bring up sensitive subjects no what you read or hear if the person doesn't broach the issue directly no matter how many symptoms they may tell you about. Even if it seems like they are trying to tell you they have an issue. All you can do I guess is as you suggest, just try to be supportive and that's it. Oh well.

    On a less depressing note I just learned today why Van Halen titled one of their albums 5150. I had no clue they were probably referring to the 5150 process you spoke of. Also, I like the jazz music you have at the end of the clip.

  • Krystal Roser

    Can we talk about how to get over trust issues? Future relationships shouldn’t have to pay for your past. But idk how to get there.

  • C

    Can you do a video about lack of motivation? Or when you’re in denial about having something wrong?
    I deep down know I need help but I’m struggling so hard right now. I don’t even have the energy or motivation to get out of bed.

  • C

    Can you do a video on CBT? And some brief tips that would be given in it?

  • Erika Finch

    Can you do a video on how to assist your significant other through depression and mental illness? And how to not to let it effect your relationship

  • Amber G

    Tell this to my boyfriend. He thinks mental health is a joke….

  • Mike Epperson

    My brother was 5150 in Alabama after he went be bezerk and destroyed my mom's house. Later he ended telling a therapist the medication he was on was making him suicidal and they traspoted him to hospital .. A few months later he hanged himself. The system failed big time in his case ,, however after his death it came out his wife at the time was a heroine addict who got him on it.. Big mess!! Something has to change.

  • Darriene Todd

    My school/parents forced me to get therapy, and I just wasn’t ready. The result was me not even doing one thing my therapist said. Take note.

  • em maria

    For me the best support a friend could give me is just coming over and sitting with me. Sometimes just not being alone is all I need.

  • tazz 505

    i used to see a psychiatrist but eventually stopped going after lying my way out of it. i regret doing that and i want to go back and possibly try therapy instead of medication but i dont know how to tell my mom this.

  • Carmyn Hambleton

    Hi Kati! Would you be able to do a video on trust issues? I've watched your videos on BPD, but can you have trust issues without being borderline? Sorry if that's a dumb question 😅

  • kerrystolcenberg

    Hey, I'd like to send you a private message, but it doesn't look like it's an option on YouTube for your channel. Do you not accept private messages anymore?

  • Green Hearted

    Hey Kati!:) In one of your earlier videos about self harm you recommended the book cutting by Steven Levenkron and I just came around to reading it:) What I find really interesting is that he sees self harm as a disorder and not just as a symptom like the DSM and the ICD. So I was wondering if you had any thoughts about this and if you could maybe make a video on this at one point?:) Wish you a lovely day, Laura

  • Claudia Goenaga

    Hi kati,
    Would you talk on a video about dealing with anxious parents/overprotective parents?

  • Sophie Wood

    Hi Kati, firstly I want to say that your videos are incredible & so helpful! They’ve been great for my own personal struggles, I wish that there were more therapists like you in the uk !! Anyways, I wanted to ask a question – I’ve been babysitting these 2 kids, age 7 and 10, whose parents are divorced. Their mum is seeing someone new, and he’s around quite a lot. They’re not very wealthy, and the mother is always working, tired, stressed, irritable etc. It’s clear that this all affects the kids quite a bit, and I’m not sure whether I’m seeing any warning signs? The 7 year old boy is definitely frustrated, doesn’t know how to control his anger and acts out a lot. The 10 year old girl is more closed up and I think she holds everything in. But I’ve really clicked with them and now they trust me, and they’ve opened up to me about how they feel about their home life, family, friends and school. I’m a 19 year old student and don’t really know what to do – the nhs in england is awful, and they’d probably be on a waiting list for up to a year, if not longer, to talk to someone. Their dad is no longer very interested in them, and their mum is far too busy or stressed to spend much time with them to talk about stuff, and finances are a problem, etc. It’s clear that it’s affecting them, because of how they’re behaving and what they are saying to me. How can I help them?

  • Annie Wright

    what do you reccomend for being forced to help someone? my mom is bipolar and has never taken her mental health seriously, she has often treated me more like a friend or therapist than her daughter. she is always saying that people are labeling her as crazy instead of getting help from her therapist, and I feel like she has never really told her therapist what's going on. I really do want to help her, but I think I need to help myself first. it feels like situations have been escalating lately and I want to get help for my own mental health and I want her to get help too.

  • Minerva C

    I'm currently in the middle of my journey to understand and come to terms with living with depression and anxiety, I realized I wasn't doing so great so I took a break from university because it had been severely affecting my grades and my general well-being. It wasn't until several months after that that my parents realized how miserable I had been but now, I'm regularly going to therapy, taking some medication and setting up a routine for myself. Keeping myself clean and taking care of myself is a LOT harder than I ever admit. How can I tell and talk to my parents about this? They're frustrated because they can't gauge how well I'm actually doing, even though I've told them that I'm improving, they still assume that I'm being "lazy" or I'm not trying hard enough when I'm trying SO FREAKING HARD to get better. It's even harder because they have so much influence over my mental/emotional state and I have tried so…SO many times to help them understand the chaos in my mind. Not only do I have to deal with my anxiety and having random panic attacks because I'm still having some rough days where I feel overwhelmed by just existing, I also have to have the patience to hear what my parents' opinions are and try to not let them affect me. I'm so tired, can you help me?

  • Brynn-tato

    how do i know when the right time to tell my parents about my suicidal thoughts and depression is? and when that time comes, how do i go about telling them? what do i say?

  • Aakanksha Jain

    Hi Kati! What should we do when you are trying to help someone and they start liking you like a mad person, expects you to talk to him all the time whether you have time or not?
    PS.. I am a student of Psychology and looking forward to pursue M. Phil in Clinical Psychology.

  • MynxMorose

    this was very informative, thanks for this video. btw, check out my vids & sub my channel too, thanks.

  • Nicholas Ryan

    this has nothing to do with the video. i’ve been watching numerous amounts of your videos about depression and anxiety, but i don’t know where i stand. i’ve had a mindset for so long that nothing is wrong but i’ve finally concluded that there has to be. i have major ups and major downs. and these ups and downs vary in time. one day i will hang out with my friends, sleep over and hang with them for a few days. and then i’ll come back home and hate social interaction.. and cancel every single plan i’ve made and delete all social media(by this i mean i lose contact with everyone, i even go through my whole contacts list and block everyone to stop them from facetiming or calling me). i’ve done this multiple times throughout summer and these dark times last for at least a week. the worst part about it is that i’m fine with no relationships. some of the symptoms i have self injury, suicidal thoughts, loss of appetite, loss of interest in hobbies such as gaming, painting and drawing. i don’t tell anyone i have these feelings either. and to be frank i’m fucking done with it. i want to be happy.
    i don’t think you’ll ever get to this comment but that’s fine, i just wanted to write it out and feel like someone is there reading it.

  • Yun Hee Choi

    What is pervasive learning disorder? Is it the same as pdd-nos?

  • Marit

    Hey, I am a listener on an app (7 cups), so I talk with people online about their lives and problems. Is it okay to try to find a good diet in little steps with someone with an eating disorder? For example, first start with a half cracker for breakfast for as long till it is 'normal' then we can start to maybe eat the other half for diner. And then start to eat a bit more or less through the time and making sure that they stay motivated and feel loved by me. I am not their friend and I am not here to hang out with them. It is just that my role is to listen to their story and make them feel understood. Does anyone has a tip or someone who knows if this is right? I really do listen and I always try the other person tries to find their first steps and stuff.

  • Rheinelle B

    Practical help is also really good. When I have times where I am too depressed to get out of bed in the morning (I am a student so I can stay in bed too long), my mom calls me at an arranged time and drinks a coffee with me (in different cities, but still). It helps to not turn around once more and after the call, I'm awake. A good example of practical help without judgement 🙂

  • ChristieRoadNH

    It could be really cool with a video about how you take care of yourself while helping others. A couple of people close to me have had and still has mental illnesses, some have been so bad that they were at the hospital for months. I spent so much energy trying to help them that I kind of forgot my self and got very sad and lonely and felt so much shame about my sadness. I felt like I wasn’t aloud to be sad when my friend(s) had it so much worse than I so I wouldn’t really talk about it to anyone. That obviously didn’t help and I ended up needing therapy my self (which took years for me to realize because of the shame). I wasn’t much help for my friends either because I was so tired and irritated all the time.
    My point is you’re the best help if you look after yourself as well and remember you’re also aloud to feel sad

  • Ciaza

    in my personal experience, i was pushed farther away from getting help because my friends would try to force me to speak to someone when really all i needed was a normal conversation with them to help me to feel normal again. I ended up resenting them for some time and not wanting to speak to them because all they ever wanted to talk about was me sorting myself out and getting better and i just wasn’t at that place yet! then because i was continuously defying what they were pushing me towards they began to get frustrated with me because they just didn’t understand what was so hard about it…

    so in full – be patient with your loved one that’s struggling, even though you may get frustrated and angry, probably because you care about them, you want the best for them and you’re scared! try not to show it.
    instead of pushing them to talk about it, change the subject and 99% of the time, they will choose to talk about it, when they’re ready!
    and always reassure them, things like ‘you don’t have to speak to me about it if you don’t want to, but just know i am here and i care and if you ever want to, i’m here to listen :)’

  • superfluityme

    Yes locking a person in a room or ward is not helpful to a persons mental health they require understanding and assistance not processing though a system. I brought a person to a mental health facility and as soon as they opened the doors I regretted it. It was archaic I was horrified. It was clear the staff were under trained and understaffed and shockingly the building was designed for that exact reason. The next day I went to see her and luckily for her she has high intelligence and her fear of that environment motivated her. I watched her handle the psychologists and she told them everything they needed to hear and she was out within the hour. Kati your videos are great you have the right amount of compassion, hopefully if you can, move into politics or lobby so you can be a voice for people with mental health conditions. We, humanity need a change in the political arena to move forward in human understanding. No pressure 🙂 If you choose to you may have to gain higher education to be taken seriously.

  • Mary Oary

    I like your videos because you always find the way to say and explain things the right way, never any judgement. (Also with exact definitions) I also feel like your videos in general are something that can be helpful to anyone even if they don’t have a mental disorder and they just want to be more aware and educated. You also have a soothing voice and talk not to a camera but to the people watching the videos. I hope this helps!

  • Molly Thomson

    Hey Kati!

    Within my life I have helped many people cope with bumpy childhoods where they were spanked as a child, either with hands or objects. I myself was spanked over the bum as a child and then smacked across the face as I matured. Being as spanking is a popular method used to punish a child, what is your professional opinion when it comes to spanking your child? Do you believe it is okay as long as no mark is left and it is a light swat? Does it depend if an object if used? Does the action have long term effects on the child? Considering spanking typically is replaced with smacks as the child matures, should parents utilize a different form of punishment? Should it remain legal?I would love to hear your opinion on this controversial topic. Thanks!!!

  • Natalia Chmielowiec

    I have bipolar II, and my fiancé isn't supportive, he just says that he accept this and it doesn't help at all. On the other hand his brother, who suffers from depression is the most supportive person that I ever met, sometimes he just comes to our house just to play games with me, or we play World of Warcraft together and talk for hours about random things, or even send me memes without context, and he is always there to listen to me, when I have panic attacks he is the one person who can calm me down, just by texting with me, distracting me from panic. I also am always there for him, even when he calls me at middle of the night because he cannot sleep, just lays and cry. I think that having a person who just understands what you going through is the most important thing and having someone who you endlessly trust helps a lot.

  • Helena Lopes

    I have self harm issues, and i just want someone to hug me, and don't ask anything. Most of the times is just "i'm so disappointed" "don't ever do that again" "you have to control yourself" and that hurts me so much more than my cuts, that when i am really struggling i don't tell a soul.

  • Song

    Financial help with therapy is very helpful and if i don't have a therapist to see, finding candidates would be super.

  • Grandma Jan

    my daughter died because she wasn't kept in but another country so no they need to be kept in til they can be treated

  • zeldahime

    Yeah. Just recently I lost a friend of several years because he was "impatient" that I was taking so long to "get over" my mental health issues.
    Too Bad. They make my life much crappier than his just because I can't go out with him as often as I used to.
    I really can't stand people who think they can keep demanding of me answers that I'm struggling to find on my own.

  • Debbie Godinez

    Hey Kati! I would love to hear you talk about learning how to connect to our emotions and how to understand them as well as how to help others do that. I just keep thinking of friends and family who are asked about their feelings and are unable to identify feeling words and just revert to describing the literal situation

  • YOONMIN LUV

    I tried to open up to someone and showed them what I had done and they told me if I ever did it again they would like tell my parents and school admin and stuff so I dont talk to her abt that stuff anymore but I mean she can't c what I did now she just pushed me further into a corner that I can't get out of I feel trapped now like I can never get out I wish someone would just listen……It felt good to get that off my chest.

  • Charlotte Haggerty

    I have helped a lot with one of my kinda friends get through suicidal thoughts, depression all of it over a break up but that was linked to childhood trauma so it was incredibly rough. But she’s doing better now and now I’m helping her “ex” gf (it’s complicated) who has serious issues too. She does not open up easily but I’ve found that when I open up and talk about my feelings and then I let her just rant, we were able to get somewhere. It’s an incredibly difficult and crazy situation involving every factor you can think of (literally) but it will get better. I know that. I will make sure of that.

  • Quinn West

    I know something that really helped me when I was going through my treatment was my therapist encouraging and praising my passions. I would bring drawings or talk about art stuff, and even though I know now it wasn't very good, she praised those passions and encouraged me to continue with them. I really think this helps with anything. If you notice your friend is wanting to do something, maybe ask them to sign up for a class with them. Have an art day, or go to a concert with music they like. And really this goes for anyone, but especially with people who are struggling to find motivation to do anything. Passions are what keep us going. and sometimes we need that extra push to really get into those passions.

  • Quinn West

    also kati, this is a great video! I see a ton of great suggestions in the comments, maybe make another video on the tips you find useful?!

  • aniek

    Dear Kati, I have a friend who is severely suicidal. I don't know how to help her anymore. I contact her regularly and do the things you mentioned in this video, but I don't know what to do with her suicidal thoughts. I'm getting worried she'll do something and she will not contact me in crisis. She has professional help and medication and I've given her the suicide hotline number and I try to talk to her about it. Do you have any advice?

  • Pink Lasagna

    Kati, is it weird or even inapropriate to hug your therapist?

  • Laura D

    As someone who has struggled for years, I feel like people are sick of me, afraid I’ll lash out (which I sadly do mostly to those I love the most), or they don’t want to hear the same story I’ve told them 20x or moan about my newest problem. I can sit back and pick out the thinking errors right now, but it’s so hard in the moment.

  • aj

    Very well said!!

  • Theresa Grosscup

    In Pennsylvania it’s a 302. Family members can file with a judge to have someone committed. Personally to me being kept against my will is more traumatizing.

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