THIS IS DEPRESSION (VERY WELL: new mental health series!)

THIS IS DEPRESSION (VERY WELL: new mental health series!)


At this present moment, I feel as though
all the pieces of my life are falling into place. It’s just that I’m not there
to enjoy it. I have this hunger that cannot be sated, no matter how eagerly I
feed on the give-and-take of relationships. Like I’m hollow. Like there’s
a black hole inside me that absorbs all the warmth, security, support and love and
it leaves me missing. It leaves me aching for an embrace that lasts forever. One
that would compress me until I’m lead-heavy, because only then I would feel
complete. Or would I? How can I ever feel content if I can’t
precisely the discern what’s missing? There’s a distance between me and the
perceptible world. I cannot touch it or grasp its true nature and it cannot
grasp mine. A vantablack void. Back in the day I would open my eyes every
morning, longing for change, but what I got instead were a thousand
disappointments. So eventually… I stopped counting. Depression has clipped my wings yet
anxiety expects me to fly. Somehow I managed to disappoint myself, even though
I didn’t have any expectations in the first place. Everyone who kept their
fingers crossed for me has long quit, as though they got tired of waiting. No
wonder they left. I would too. Sadly, I cannot walk away from myself. I’m forced into existence, watching
people handle life so effortlessly, while I fall apart at 2PM. ‘How are you doing?’ –
they ask. So I try to find words, but they evade me.
I can feel myself subsiding, nearing the point of no return. The cracks are
starting to show through the flimsy layer of paper I’ve been trying to cover them
with. But I just lift my head up and… smile. ‘Yeah, I’m well’.

Comments

(50 Comments)

  • Kat Napiorkowska

    You can support my channel here: https://www.paypal.me/katnapiorkowska

    instagram: napiorkowska

    Thank you so much for any kind of donation! Simply sharing the video helps a ton as well. 😘

  • محمد السيد

    ❤️❤️♥️

  • محمد السيد

    Egyptian❤️

  • Aditi Sharma

    Heyy. We gotta be strong.

  • HeLLoWorLD

    I hope you are doing okay

  • Aditi Sharma

    Just smile. For a second, please just smile.

  • Linda

    Beautiful

  • Alexita Cartoonface

    Yes

  • Holly Hutton

    ❤️❤️

  • Soccer Mommy’s Bitch

    WOAHH

  • Karo N

    Watching this as I sit in front of my mirror realising how much I am drowning and not even trying to grasp onto something because I don’t see point

  • Alien gurl

    Can we all put our hands together and be fine?

  • Pals P

    Your voice is soothing and I can listen to it for hours without getting bored.

  • Bendake

    Do BPD! :]

  • Sara Castex

    This is beautiful Kat

  • Pals P

    "Depression has clipped my wings yet anxiety expects me to fly "

  • kent edu

    i missed these type of videos. I hope ure doing well.

  • itsdujuna

    What exactly I feel everyday.

  • Nour Imoudache

    ❤️❤️❤️ I love you

  • alex

    it frustrates me to see other people's lives get into place so easily and u just look at yours like -_-

  • Mauricio Rojo

    Amazing.

  • Diana Ayoub

    What an amazing vedio! May your efforts pay u back.. Loved it😍

  • Esin Unic

    I honestly think that u'll be a theater actress one day

  • Sindre Kristiansen

    As someone who has gone through depression (and I guess it does continue to linger in the background even after treatment) this does ring quite true.

    The production quality is truly lovely and fits your narrative seamlessly. There is a certain neo-noir-esque tone to it which is quite resonant with depression and melancholy in general. But there’s self examination and introspection in those nightly hours that is hard to capture, so bravo for making this video and succeeding in doing just that.

    I really hope you will continue to do these videos, not just to please ‘us’, the viewers, but also as a sustainable way for you to create what you want to express.

    I wish you all the best in 2020 and thank you for bringing attention to mental health. It will be more and more need for that.

  • MuhammaD RehaN AhmeD

    So relatable 😑😔

  • Lauren

    ♥️🙌🏼

  • JMK

    This is beautifully filmed and produced. You are so talented

  • Majd Zourob

    I seriously have so much respect for you. Thank you so much Kat

  • Arindam Ghosh

    Sometimes I feel like a living corpse

  • lewxsk

    I lost myself for a minute there, felt like an eternity. The voice over is incredibly poignant and very eloquent, well done!

  • odd sounds

    Do you ever just layed in bed and feel how not okay you are??

  • Kill Real

    you are speaking for all of us, the people who lost their voice. your unexpected comeback made me feel happier. I wish you to have all the peace and joy that you deserve for the art that you do

  • ex79 79

    You represent all my thoughts, visions, and ideas that pop-up in my head. You keep doing a great job! Z

  • Wid

    Can't waittt👋🏻👋🏻

  • Troy 18

    I’m Troy and I’m 17. I’m struggling with social anxiety and depression at the same time rn, and I just want to say thank you that your videos really help me a lot, like really a lot.

  • Alex Owl

    I'm so glad that you're truely back! The work you must've put into this is impressive. And as someone who survived deprsssion I can say that your video is really accurate. Colors, sounds and the whole concept is just soo true. Thank you for everything you're doing. You don't even know how much these videos mean to me.

  • kbmood

    I love these videos. Simply because I can recognize my daily life in them…

  • you are so freakin cute

    I don't suffer from depression, but I'm hoping for everyone who are suffering from it to get better, stay strong ♡♡♡

  • Krystal L.

    depression has become a trend…

  • o .o

    Sottotitoli in italiano please

  • Alanna Legend

    I have bipolar depression.. it’s a living hell

  • Sara Silva

    I can relate so much. Thank you for your videos

  • Jake From State Farm

    A year ago i started watching your videos and got encouraged by the relatable comments to continue living but a year has gone by its still the same

  • Azizah Muflihah

    everything is gonna be fine, right?

  • Green Fish

    It has been nearly one year I'm suffering with depression and seven years with suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's really depression (I was diagnosed by a psychologist) and when I discovered your videos four years ago, I knew it was true. Thanks a lot 🌟

  • Majelliani Annerys

    You're back!

  • Lulu Blanco

    I feel connected to you with your videos and because I’m an INFJ.
    Thank you for everything you do.

    You are amazing!!

    Greetings from Mexico

  • O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me

    Depression – dwelling on the past
    Anxiety – fearing the future

  • PRANJALI S

    I just want to feel something, but all there is, is constant never-ending sadness or nothing at all. I remember I was happy some years ago, I just want that feeling back. I want to start feeling things again and truly enjoy moments and not just trying to pretend all the time, because now even pretending seems hard.

  • so pigmented

    depression has clipped my wings yet anxiety expects me to fly

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