What is Co-Dependency | Mental Health with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

What is Co-Dependency | Mental Health with Kati Morton | Kati Morton


– Hey everybody, today, I’m
gonna talk with you about co-dependency. What is it? And how can we improve? (upbeat music) So, like I said, today, I’m
gonna talk with you about co-dependency. I’ve heard from many of you
that you worry that you’re in a co-dependent relationship, or your therapist has told
you that you co-dependent. What the heck does that even mean? So, what did I do? I looked the Wikipedia definition up. ‘Cause Wikipedia knows all. Not really. But, I like their definition best. It says co-dependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship, where
one person supports or enables another person’s addiction,
poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility,
or under achievement. So, what that really means, is that one person in the relationship, is enabling the other person to do things that aren’t healthy. An example of this would be, let’s say, I have a husband who gambles a lot, has a horrible gambling addiction. And instead of helping him get the help
he needs, to stop gambling, I work harder so we have more money, so he can spend it on gambling. Or I make sure everything
is still okay at the house, and I take care of him, make
sure his clothes are clean, make sure he’s fed, in
order for him to function at a somewhat bare-bones level. So I’m enabling him to
continue doing what he does. I hope that makes sense. So, the nice thing to know, or maybe the not nice thing to know, is that a majority of us, are
in co-dependent relationships, in some shape or form. But there are a ton of things, that we can do to make it better, and to help ourselves,
so we don’t become stuck, in these unhealthy relationship patterns. So, in order to better help ourselves, we need to know what
the symptoms are, right? That’s kinda like when I’m
talking about diagnoses, the first thing I give
you are the symptoms of what we’d look for, because how else are
we supposed to spot it? Am I right? So, the symptoms of co-dependents are, low-self esteem. Now, these are the
people who are enabling. I want you to understand
who I’m talking about. I’m talking about the person
who makes the unhealthy person able to continue being unhealthy. The symptoms are, things such as, low-self esteem, no or
very poor boundaries, they have a very people
pleasing personality, they really need to control situations, they have a lack of communication,
or clear communication, where it’s a healthy, direct way, to communicate with another person. They have lot of problems with intimacy, they can be in denial, and
the lsit goes on and on. But you get the idea of what
it may look and feel like, to be a co-dependent person, or to be in a co-dependent
relationship, okay? And so, what are the treatment things, or ways that we could help improve? Therapy. We can do therapy.
Therapy helps a lot of things. And the things great about
therapy for co-dependence, is that it helps us to gain insight, a lot of people don’t even recognize, that they’re doing things
to enable the person. Okay? And so it helps us to gain insight, and it can help change our way of interacting with our loved ones, so that maybe, when we used
to be really people pleasing, and worry a lot about
how they felt towards us, we maybe pulled back
from that a little bit, and try different behavioral techniques, to way that the relationship
functions, okay. I think the most important
thing to relationship with this, it that it can feel horribly, horribly, uncomfortable at first, but it does get better. And sometimes, if I find,
when we’re making change in general, in our lives, that it’s always uncomfortable. But that’s actually a good sign, because when we were
comfortable, shit was bad. And so it’s actually kinda
good to be uncomfortable, ’cause that means that
we’re making some progress. Am I right? I think so. Also, there are 12 step programs. There are actually
Co-dependents Anonymous. And if the issue that’s
going on in your family, or in your relationship, has anything to do with alcohol, or drugs, there are not only like the AA and NA for the person who’s struggling, but for the family, there
things like Al-Anon, for family members of those who drink. So, it’s like for the person
who is the co-dependent. You can go to those kinds
of group therapy sessions, to get no only, some support, but also to recognize
that you’re not alone. And all those things you
thought might be crazy, or that weird way that you
felt your family functioned, or relationship functioned, that you’re not alone. And you’re filled with a room of people who have the same or
very similar experience, and do similar unhealthy behaviors, and it could be really healing, just to like, in our community, just knowing that we’re not
along can be so healing. So, I encourage you, if you are concerned that
you’re in some kind of co-dependent relationship, and like I said, a majority of us, are in some percentage of a
co-dependent relationship, that you take some time
to gain some insight. Call a therapist. Start talking about
things that are going on, so that you can realize what’s going on. And possibly make some
appropriate changes, to better yourself, and your relationship. And if you like this type of video, give it a thumbs up, and let me know. And if you have any experience with Co-Dependents Anonymous, or AA or Al-Anon, leave it in the comments below. Because, I know that for a lot of people, they get really scared to
reach out at the beginning, and it’s nice to know that
somebody’s already been there, and that it’ll be okay. Keep checking back, keep working with me, towards a healthy mind and a healthy body.

Comments

(87 Comments)

  • Hunter Crumpley

    How do I figure out if I have an unhealthy codependent relationship with my parents? I am a part time college student and I live at home. I deal with depression and anxiety and I'm trying to find help. My mom tries her best understand, but how do I know if her understanding is really just enabling me to in the rut I have been creating for myself for so many years? I do think I'm codependent, but is it unhealthy?

  • Megan Emt

    #katifaq how can we decrease our hyper vigilance??

  • tara mystere

    Hey Kati I know this isn't super relevant to what your videos normally are but I want to go into the counseling field but I find it super overwhelming to figure out what the difference is between different graduate degrees/fields (ie Marriage and Family Therapy vs. Mental Health Counseling, vs. Clinical Psychology). Could you possibly explain the differences between each one so I can figure out what I should be going to grad school for? Thanks and I love your videos!

  • Natalie Riddle

    kati, you are so amazing! I have been having a hard time whem it comes to coping with loneliness, abandonment, anxiety, and depression so I have been watching your videos! They are helping me so much! You always make me feel better with your awesome personality! Thank you so much for doing what youre doing! Youre an inspiration of me.:)

  • Sharon Davidson

    Kati, your video's are amazing. The past few days I have been terrified because the wrist I had major surgery on in February has start having problems. It started with just the thumb going a little numb to completely numb to my entire hand numb. I am not asking for medical advice. I see my surgeon tomorrow afternoon. The reason I'm terrified is last time the Dr. said something was up but he didn't know what. I am terrified I am going to need surgery again and I'm not sure how I will deal with that emotionally. Any suggestions on how to , first off, not jump to worst case scinerio, and 2 if I end up needing surgery how do I deal with it and not break down?

  • ziemlich gut

    ouch! and a big THANK YOU for the reminder!

  • Megan Davies

    #katiFAQ What do you think about keeping in touch with friends from inpatient units? I've got a really good and healthy friendship with one of the girls I was in there with but my therapist wants me to end this as she doesn't think it's helping me 'move on.' Xx

  • Cam McKay

    Any advice for someone trying to help a friend with an eating disorder? I have just gotten to a place where I'm trying to pull myself out of my own mental health issues, and right when i just started to see over the edge of all my hardships, my friend told me about her eating disorder struggles. I'm afraid if i put too much energy into helping her it will set my own progress back. I want the best for her and i want to be there to support her and be there if she needs someone to talk to. But I am really proud of the place I've gotten to and I don't want to get worse again. What should i do?

  • breadlebees

    I've seen many people struggle with co-dependency while I was in IOP and PHP groups. Many of them felt like it was the only way they would keep their spouse in the relationship. For example, one person told us that she knew what her husband was doing was bad, but she guilted herself into buying him more and more alcohol because she thought that he only loved her and her family when he was drunk. Through our group sessions she took control of the abusive relationship and ended it, and by the time I left that group, her kids and her were living with some family and she was divorcing him so her kids wouldn't have to see that anymore. It's one powerful story I'll never forget because it shows how therapy can literally change your life. XOX Kati!

  • Diogo A. F. Melo

    Great video Kati.
    It would be interesting to see your take on the toxic relationships between Codependents and people with Cluster B personality disorders (like Sociopathy/Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

  • Cat O

    #KatiFaq Hi Kati, As a college senior the pressure to perform academically is very high. I have been struggling with PTSD and insomnia and my panic attacks are becoming more frequent. Due to this I have missed class, I was awake for 3 days then just crashed and slept through everything. I don't want to tell my professors too much or really anything at all as it is very difficult to discuss. How do I articulate what I am struggling so that they understand and will perhaps be a bit more flexible if I need to leave/miss class?

  • Laura Love

    Hey Kati. So today in school I talked to my teacher about my anxiety and panic attacks because she basically saw me have it. She was really supporting and tried to look for ways she could help me which I really appreciate. One thing she suggested was letting the other teachers know that school is very hard for me and some of the reasons which I think might help but on the other hand it makes me feel stupid and bad because I feel like I'm not good enough or functioning enough to be like the others and deliver good grades and stuff like that. It kind of makes me feel like a failure. Which is a feeling I really can't stand. We want to talk about it further on Wednesday but I don't really know what to do. She also suggested that I should go see a therapist again(bc I told her that the fact that a lot of things aren't going well atm. I gave her a tiny background story. But not a lot.) or see the school counsellor and I don't know about that. For a therapist I'd have to get my mother involved and I really don't want her in this this time. I like that she thinks I'm good. But also I am scared that this isn't just a having a bad time thing but that I am slipping into old patterns again. So I think I'd need some help but I don't think I could ask for it or accept it because I feel like I have to get through this on my own to be worthy and good enough. This probably sounds so stupid.

  • Anne B

    #katiFAQ
    Hey Kati! <3
    Hope you're doing well.
    Here is my question:
    I'm dealing with a self harming behavior for over 3 years now (my mum passed away 4 years ago that's might be one of the reasons) . Lately I've done so well I haven't harmed myself for several month but now I've replaced a few times for no real reason.
    Sometimes I kind of try to find a reason so I can harm myself. I am already in therapy and I've been inpatient in spring this year.
    I don't know what I can do to stop myself from destroying me and my life …

  • MissAwesomeWolf

    What if a couple is co-dependent with each other? Like both people enabling each others bad habits.

  • blindgurl72

    #KatiFAQ No question for you this week, however, I would like to share a favorite quote of mine that could inspire a future journal topic…"The only way I can take a breath is by releasing my breath. In order to be more, I must be willing to be less."-Jacob the Baker: Gentle Wisdom for a Complicated World.

  • Sierra

    Can you make a video about ect?

  • spooky mulder

    Do you think you could do a video on anxiety with derealisation disorder? Where everything always feels like a dream? Not a lot of people talk about it and I've had it for 3 years. it's really frustrating.

  • Anna Murphy

    hey kati there is a special segment on erasing mental health stigma on channel 9 tonight

  • JC C

    Thanks for defining Co-dependency in such a clear and easy to understand manner. It makes it easier to identify signs and symptoms of an unhealthy relationship. Feel Blessed with all the information you provide us all with.Thanks Kati xoxo

  • Laura Em

    so if we all have some co-dependency in every relationship, how do we know when it is unhealthy?

  • Leah Johnson

    #KatiFAQ
    for the first time I have actively been trying to recover from my eating disorder. i am now feeling all the feeling I have been suppressing or hiding through my ED. I am finding it hard to cope now with my work load and find I have started to brake down a lot at work over small things like roster changes. my manger and the big boss know what has been going on and has allowed me miss meetings and things to get to therapy sessions but how do I get them to understand that the reason i am getting upset really isn't about the roster change its about al the emotional turmoil in my head right now?

  • Tom Palmer

    There's a song about a co-dependent relationship called "If Not You" by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show. It's not too bad. There's another song by the same group about the same topic called "I Call that True Love". It's the worst song I've ever heard. Listening to that will cure a person of co-dependency.

  • RavenMadd9

    whamo

  • Chloe Sivy

    I've been to alanon with my mum and its great

  • Jigen Lindsey Wilkinson

    I think an important thing to note is that the dependency is an emotional one "a codependent is someone who cannot function from their innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance. In this context, people who are addicted to a substance, like drugs, or a process, like gambling or sex, can also be considered codependent. In its most narrow definition, it requires one person to be physically or psychologically addicted, such as to heroin, and the second person to be psychologically dependent on that behavior."

  • gustavo Mendoza

    do you have a video for lack of communication?
    I suck at talking to people

  • Sammer Langer

    Ive been struggling with nightmares and dreams that I think are real for the past couple months. Like, I had a dream that the police came to my door and asked my sister the next day if they did and she said no. My depression and drinking has been bad during that time too. Its just not being able to distinguish between dream and reality is scary sometimes and I want the dreams to stop.

  • MusicForever171

    #katifaq hey Kati 😊
    How are we supposed to deal with the issue of our family being our biggest trigger?? I'm 17 and I'm still in school and there is really no way of escaping my family as I'm technically still dependant on them… I've been seeing a counsellor behind my parents back however there was a blowup when they almost found out and there were consent issues, however I managed to sort it out (after months of stress over the matter). My mum is emotionally abusive and I don't have a very good relationship with my dad either as he is always setting unachievable standards for me! My older sister just adds to the mess and at times I can't deal with my family at all! Every time I try and bring something up about my mental health (or anything for that matter) my mum completely flips out and everything gets worse! She makes me feel guilty and won't listen to me even though I'm approaching her in the calmest most peaceful way possible! She gets upset and then takes it out on me like every other time she gets out of balance! I've found myself taking on the peace keeper role in my family as there is a blowup between someone and another basically everyday! But I have a really hard time dealing with that stress on top of everything else in my life! I've been struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions for a really long time now on top of depression anxiety and ednos! I refuse to report the abuse because I know that will just make things worse because my mum thinks she is doing the best she can for me and its at its worse when that idea is challenged! She's in complete denial that there could be anything wrong with me and I feel so guilty sometimes! She's seeing a therapist and she's recently began taking her meds again but it's not really any better and I just don't know what to do!! When I turn 18 I will have more freedom and will be able to drive etc so that's sorta the hope I'm holding on to! I want to move out as soon as I finish school at the end of next year but I know full well I won't be able to afford that, and moving out under those circumstances will just make things worse between my family! What am I supposed to do?? I'm just holding on and fighting day by day but with the pressure of exams and what not it makes everything so much harder to deal with! Like how am I supposed to do well in year 12 when I can't even get a moment of stress free peace!! Thanks for any advice you can give me xx

  • Angel Flower

    With the comment below, Katie could you please do a video on NPD, Sociopaths and Psychopaths and how to avoid them or how to get the person help? Signs or symptoms. Thanks!:)

  • JustKeepSmiling:)

    #katifaq
    Is it possible for someone to spend a decent quantity of time contemplating suicide but not have depression or any other mental illness?? Was talking with a classmate about all things life and he was really opening up to me…. He voiced some thoughts and opinions on suicide that went along with what I thought in some of my darker times when suicide was a serious reality for me…. He told me that he wasn't at risk because he thought he would never actually be able to take his own life (and also mentioned that he didn't think he should) but that it was something he had been thinking about…. I was worried about him because a lot of what he was saying I could relate to, but they were the type of things I'm trying to fight against and out behind me in my recovery, however he considers that ignorant and avoident i consider it necessary… So are those thought normal for someone with a very high intellect like him, or should I be concerned about his mental health?? I did however manage to balance out some of his opinions during our conversation because I just didn't feel comfortable encouraging him to think that way even if they are things I believe/believed…. Arguing against his 'prosuicide' ideas while really quite triggering, also helped because it was like roll playing talking back to those voices in my own head… Because although it may be something I can't always fight myself, I'm always gonna go to insane measures to ensure no one else, especially someone I care about, will be taken down by (even if they were just random thoughts not thoughts he would ever act on)

    Anyway that took a confusing turn but I think you get my question right? Thanks xoxo

  • Kay Ska

    mental health awareness https://www.facebook.com/This-is-what-a-person-with-mental-illness-looks-like-499312536909941/
    hope you're all well <3

  • Kavanagh24

    Thank you. I love how you explain things. You don't judge and make people feel stupidor weak that they are in these situations. You are great and I'm learning alot from your videos that makes me feel less alone. 🙂

  • sandrews2810

    #katifaq I've been feeling really unsettled, how do i figure out what is driving that feeling, and how to feel settled again? When someone asked me what was wrong….all I could think was everything and nothing all at the same time. It's confusing.

  • Elin

    #KatiFAQ Hi Kati! So the last few years while been in therapy I have really struggled with actually talking and expressing my thoughts.Sometimes I can write stuff down before a session to bring with me and give to my therapist to read. But I really really want to be able to just speak, that would make things so much easier and "quicker"! The problem is how, as soon as my therapist brings up a sensitive/uncomfortable subject I just freeze or shut down and can say a thing even if i wanted to. How can you get pass this kind of "hang up"?? Thanks for great videos as always! xoxo

  • Richard MacTough

    I tell my spouse that she cannot feed me out of my anxiety because I need to recover 🙂 Thank You Kati

  • Penelope Bühler

    Hi! I struggle with self harm and depression. Anyways, there is a girl(don't know her) in one of my classes, who has scars all over her arms. I don't want to trigger her. What do I do?

  • Daniel Kols

    Can you give me tips for how to handle a depressed friend? I have never have these kind of age adequate problems… I don't know if I shold nag him to get out of it or what… Please!

  • Dee Rodriques

    hi Kati could you do a video on Munchausen's syndrome sometime?

  • Christina Bethany

    Dear Katie, thank you for this. Can you do new ED Videos. maybe a facts video on anorexia with subtype of binge and purge and what is the difference between that and bulimia. I am so scared of recovery and feel stuck in the middle of yes or no and what do I do. I feel so isolated and don't know if its just hopeless and should I leave treatment or not.

  • Talitha E.

    Hi Kati, I suffered from emotional abuse from my father and this is really difficult, but my last 2 therapists doesn't treat like it… but it's really something I need to work on, and I think it has everything to do with my self harm and the reasons I feel SO guilt when things happen, even when it's not my fault or if it is something very small. I can't go to a therapist now because I moved to Argentina and I don't have security here. Is there a book or something I can do to get better? #KatiFAQ

  • Talitha E.

    Hi Kati, I wish you could do another video on Disassociation! I do that A LOT, and I don't know how to stop, I do it when I self harm and I never cry, not since I was a kid… and I really think I spent a lot of my teenage years not being present, like I couldn't feel happy or sad, only numb…all the time..And I still feel like that when talking about my issues. I don't know what to do or how to deal, I suffered from emotional abuse from my father, and I was just diagnosted with bipolar II, and it's like I'm starting now(in the past 2 years) to really feel life, but I didn't really felt anything during my adolescence… was it normal? what was that? what can I do? (PS: I still can't cry PS2: I LOVE your videos!!!! =D) #KatiFAQ

  • eatmybubbles

    Can you do a video on different techniques for working with adolescents in therapy?

  • Jezahlie

    I just needed to share this because it made me laugh. But last night I found your channel and I was so happy to find a channel like this so I watched like, six videos before I went to bed. Then I had a dream you were helping me build a boat and you were like, "good job, Jessica!" And I was so proud of myself. Lol! For real though, thank you for these videos. I'm so excited to watch some more!

  • Liane C

    Great video. I need to work on this issue in my life. I know the healthier I am myself and the more comfortable I feel, the less likely I am to be "an enabler"/people pleaser. But I don't know how to fix it. Like if I stop being codependent, then aren't I going to have to tell people they are making bad life choices? And can't that be really mean and extremely hurtful to some of the people I have in my life?

  • KatiesCovers

    Yessss I think this is a topic I requested like two years ago! Love that you did this one…I'm sure I'm not the only one who was looking for an explanation of what it means to be codependent 🙂

    Thanks Kati, as always! <3

  • Jessica Aiken

    Kati, today I went to see a mental health professional for the first time. I was prescribed Zoloft. I'm so scared to take an antidepressant. What tips do you have for me to deal with this? Thank you so much!! You're the best!

  • J

    love your videos kati

  • Abbi Zorgphlorg

    Hey Kati can u talk about spilt personality disorder

  • Patty Arenson

    I can see where the enabling bit comes in, but I always thought of co-dependency more as when a person seeks to gain from a relationship what they aren't able/don't believe they are able to provide for themselves. Like completely relying on the person to make you happy or build up your self-esteem. That's what co-dependency has looked like for me. In a lot of my relationships my sense of self-worth fluctuated with the success (or lack thereof) of the relationship.

  • spottylill

    Are you able to do a video in relation to developing a chronic life changing disease/condition such as type 1 diabetes and mental health. I'm 26. I have type 1 (since 14) and recently depression and anxiety. I'm wondering how to cope with what my future is going to look like with this eg disability and mortality. This condition is in my face all the time. I am seeing a therapist.

  • c o r

    CO Dependency????? Wuuuuuut is it??!!!!! ¯(ツ)/¯ What the diddly do-da does that even mean!????? ¯(ツ)/¯ – Kati Morton

  • anthony morton

    my last name is morton

  • Pammila Allen

    Sometimes I like just picking various videos of yours, never knowing what is relevant or not, it is interesting learning. I have a support mental health group, and just love sharing your videos with my members. Thanks for all you do.

  • Eloise Marie

    I found two programs that really helped me Al-Anon and Recovery International (RI). Al-Anon let me know that I was not alone. It's amazing to be in a room with people that just understand you because they had to deal with it too. the other RI helps me deal with life by retraining how I think about stuff. My life with RI has such a quick change for the better. I'm just plain happier. Al-Anon and Recovery International — lifesavers for me.

  • Manda Mandrell

    Just did a 'Love and Wisdom' group with my Watershed girls and we went through the book 'Codependent no more' by Melody Beattie. It was great, and much much needed!

  • sivad2

    I have been in a codependent relationship for the last 10 years. I just recently ended the relationship but I'm worried (in fact scared ) that I will find myself in the same situation in the future. How do I make sure I don't find myself there again? While this past relationship was by far the worst I have found myself in. I feel as if I've had this happen throughout my entire life. I hope that makes sense.

  • Wayne Pret

    OMG Kati, I LOVE YOU. AND I LOVE YOUR CHANNEL!!! OK, here's why I said I LOVE you. Several months ago a friend said in response to a comment I made "so codependent" in a very passive aggressive tone. It bothered me for months hearing that, and I thought "how can I be co-dep, when I'm single, live alone and pay my own bills" it hurt hearing this because I've know them for many year. I was wondering what co-dep meant today, so I decided to look it up! Your video just made me wondering why I allowed someone's clear projection to emotionally injure me for so long before researching the meaning and tossing that shit back across in their court. Many, in fact most, of the symptoms you read described them to a T. Need to control (check) people pleaser (double check) enabler ooooh boy! So glad I came to you for help! Hugging you like a bear right now!

  • Djuna Barnes

    What if somone can't afford therapy?

  • LifeofBeauty K

    could you please do a video on covert narcissist?

  • T Kidd

    Can you make a video about a codependent child? Also, how can it change your adulthood.
    Thanks Kati Morton.

  • Jori Church

    My mother was an alcoholic, and yet I resisted going to Alanon for many years. Now I don’t remember why. I think I was really scared, but now that I’m on the other side, I realize that the daily fear and anxiety of avoiding going to Alanon was quite high. And then when I went, I met people who understood me and so it was reassuring. Not that bad memories didn’t come up. They did. But I didn’t have to face them alone, by myself, without saying anything.

    Alanon turned my life around. And the good thing is that if you don’t feel like talking or participating, all you have to do is say “pass.” No judgment! No pressure! I’ve sat through many a meeting just in a terrible mood. Not talking. Just sitting there stewing in my own juices. But then when the meeting was over, I felt better. Not because I talked anything out necessarily, but maybe just from not being alone. Or maybe someone shared something that helped me.

    I have always said “I don’t understand how this program even helps. But it does. Just keep coming back.”

  • POTATOEMPN

    What is it when both people do it for each other?
    Whats that called?

  • Kimberley Downing

    I’m so glad you mentioned 12-step programs. They helped me so much in learning about my own codependency and recovering from it. Therapy is great but for me the groups helped in special ways, eg hearing people talk about their own codependency and how they are changing helped me identify it in myself. These days I still have problems but I am much better at realising what I cannot do. I can’t fix or change other people. I can’t love somebody better, they will keep being who they are and I will have a bunch of unmet needs. Codependency is really a complex set of behaviours and beliefs that wont fit in this space. The benefits of meetings is you can go as often as you want for minimum expense and benefit from the wisdom and experience of those who are making changes too. Remember you don’t have to be friends with everyone you meet there. You can have boundaries in a group too. You can go slowly and decide who you relate to and on what level.

  • coldvolcanicash

    You talked about the enabler codependent but I wish you had talked about the enabled person too. What do you do when you're the one benefitting from the enabler?

  • daniel walsh

    not quite clear about when I am enabling/or I am the codependent problem! response

  • JanineBean

    What about if someone consistently lets their partners treat them badly or be inadequate partners? I have a friend who has a pattern of never giving up on horrible relationships and I don’t know how I can help her to see her worth or get out sooner. She stays in relationships for 2 years I would have left after 2 months and it’s awful. Is she codependent because she’s letting these men mistreat her and manipulate her?

  • M Ev

    Kati, is any relationship with unequal power balance condependent?

  • khadijaejaz

    "Shit was bad!"

  • I don't care tbh

    I used to be exactly like this :/ So glad I'm better now!

  • Jaushua Gray

    Humanity evolved for Co-dependency… We literally need one another to survive. It's called evolution.

  • julsca

    Have you gone over co-dependency that isn't just in relationships but like how your behaviour towards everyone.

  • Gabbie Fulton

    Hey Kati thank you for this video and giving me some tools to use. Please do more video on this topic.

  • Adriano

    If you are doing it out of fear of abuse from your partner is it still co-dependent?

  • Phil King

    Katie has hit the big time! Gonna be interesting to analyze the rise. Hahahaha

  • M Schnitzer

    Thank you kati for your videos. I love them. I would like to hear more on codependency relationships when "both" partners are codependent.

  • Stacey Loveland

    Is co-dependency in the DSM. i watched various co-dependant videos before watching yours and now I'm confused about what it actually is. I had one idea about what it was but your video is not matching up to the others. BTW i still love 💘 your videos

  • Rodrigo Ramirez

    Enabling even your own abuse.

  • Tracy Zimmerman

    I struggle with boundaries
    It took me till I was 30 I realize to know I even had them
    Boundaries I thought were mean to the other person
    Now I am realizing not having them is bing mean to me
    Still working on it though

  • doreal

    I was told I was codependent because I was my mother's caregiver whom had several strokes and heart problems. Makes no sense.

  • Sherrygwin Jordan

    Just me.

  • Taylor Barnett

    But what if the other person is totally fine and the codependent party is just obsessed with controlling them? To me that’s also codependency so by isn’t that included in the definition.

  • LaurensTruth

    I have some of these problems, especially controlling people’s emotions or trying to help people that don’t want it. I drive my boyfriend crazy with this. However, he doesn’t like gamble or drink…so I have no idea why I act like thinks besides the fact that my mother does the same thing. Any advice? I know this video is from 2015 haha

  • Nik Lyons

    So basically codependency involves an enabler and someone who isn't fully functioning. Its not two broken people. It's one overachiever and one underacheiver or person who may be disabled due to age. I don't buy most labels and terms concocted by some psychiatrist or psychologist ("psychobabble terms") those fields are garbage in my opinion for the most part because they favor the female who usually is paying for it. And they push drugs. And the suicide rate is high in that field. Codependentcy could just be life. But it's a lot more lucrative to drag people though the muck and rehash and point fingers and blame. I'm not saying the whole profession is garbage but it does need a makeover as a whole. Everyone is codependent on everyone if you think about it. The question then becomes so what. I told my mom I'd be there for her always. She is widowed. She thinks me and my sister want her to die. We both are doing all we can for her. I promised I would be there for her when I was a kid talking about moving to Australia. She unloaded her baggage on me so what I'm grown and I take full responsibility for my life and my happiness and I can't make anyone happy. Happiness is a choice made by each person. If I'm feeling bad then I have a right to feel how I feel and I don't think I should have to explain myself to justify how I feel. As long as I'm not hurting anyone. Problem comes in there tho because if I feel sad or bad then that becomes an opportunity for my mom to point and say "see look your not happy and this is what I have to deal with and thats what makes me unhappy".. I think life and culture and societal norms and functions and dysfunctions are too complicated to brush with one label,"Codependency". When sickness is subsidized then we have bigger fish to fry than people who get slapped with that label

  • JD

    This is the one dysfunctional relationship I can never really wrap my head around no matter how much someone explains it. Like am I enabling someone if I’m making sure I have a roof over my own head and the other person just happens to live with me and I’m not trying to kick them out? I don’t get it. And because I don’t get it makes me worry that I’m in one and I’m subconsciously denying it or something. I don’t even know if that’s possible.

  • sj kal

    My mother has been a co-dependent to her narcissistic husband and very narcissistic parents. I am 31 years old and just realsing that I am a co-dependent and a parentified child with serious interpersonal issues and extremely low self esteem.

  • guloguloguy

    ……..AND WHAT IS "THERAPY"??!! IMHO: … IT, IS A PROCESS, = A COMBINATION OF EDUCATION, THEN SELF EVALUATION, SELF-REFLECTION, AND SELF-AWARENESS,…. THEN, TO ESTABLISH GOALS (WHAT TO DO TO DISABLE/DISARM THOSE "CO-DEPENDENT BEHAVIORS ACTIVITIES, AND ATTITUDES),… THEN IMPLEMENTATION OF NEW/MODIFIED ACTIONS, BEHAVIORS, IDEAS, THOUGHTS, OR RESPONSES, TO WORK THROUGH, OR PAST THOSE "WEAK, "POWERLESS", OR "STICKY SITUATIONS"! ONCE ONE BUILDS BETTER, NEW, ALTERNATIVE RESPONSES, ONE CAN MOVE FORWARD, WITHOUT MERELY CIRCLING THE DUMPSTER, AS THEY DID BEFORE!….

  • Will Neverforgets

    What do you do when you suspect that your partner is codependent. How can you support? When the codependent partner tries to solve all the life struggles of their partner, even when if they have nothing to do with him/her.

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