What is Dependent Personality Disorder?  Mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

What is Dependent Personality Disorder? Mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton


Hey everyone. Today we’re going to talk about, Dependent Personality Disorder. What is it? So like I said, Today we’re going to talk about
Dependent Personality Disorder. Now before we get started, I want to talk about this diagnosis
and how I was trained with this diagnosis. First of all, It’s something that we as clinicians are
supposed to take extreme caution with. We don’t diagnose quickly. We have to take in to consideration, Someone’s age. Their situation. Maybe a diasability. Because there are times in our lives when
we’re going to have all of this criteria. Like if I am a young child and
I am dependent upon my adult. My parents. My grandparents. Whoever is taking care of me. To take care of me. I would meet the criteria of this. But because I’m a child, I really
can’t take care of myself. And many of us struggle with disabilities. Things that make it impossible for
us to care for ourselves on our own. So we’re always going to be
dependent on someone else. And we could meet this
criteria, yet again. So it’s important that we take
everything in to consideration. You know, Their situation. Maybe a disability. Whatever. Before we diagnose. But many of you have
request I do this video. So I’m going to talk to you about it. But I just want to make sure
that you understand, This is not something to be taken lightly. Not many people are diagnosed with this. Because situationally, It could be appropriate for us to
be dependent on another person. That’s what makes the world great. We have a lot of support
around us, right. And sometimes we really
really need that support. However, There are people in the world who struggle
with Dependent Personality Disorder. And just to give you a short description, Before I get in to the eight criteria
about Dependent Personality Disorder, I will give you kind of just
a synopsis of what it is. So those who struggle with,
I guess I will call it DPB. DPD. Wow, my eyeballs. Even though I had lasik, it looked like a B. But DPD. Those people really struggle to
take care of themselves. In fact, they fear. Their greatest fear is that they
cannot care for themselves. Therefore, They seek out care. And assurance. And direction. And everything. From other people. Now usually it’s one main person. Most people who struggle with this, Will find one person in their life that
they really depend on. And they don’t make
decisions without them. And they wait for them
to say things are okay. And they won’t start projects until
that person has agreed. So these people lack self-confidence. They worry that they can’t care
for themselves in any way. And it can be a really
scary place to live. And they’re, I mean, imagine if you like you felt like, You couldn’t even depend on
yourself to take care of your basic needs. That’s really hard. Now there are eight criteria. And so I will just start at the top. The first one that we have to meet says, ‘Has difficulty making
every day decisions,’ ‘Without an excessive amount of
advice and reassurance from others.’ Like I said, It’s really difficult for them to make
any decision on their own, Because they feel like they
aren’t able to do it. They can’t make the proper decision. They can’t do the right thing without someone
else saying that it is the right thing. Now the second is, ‘Needs others to assume responsibility
for most major areas of his or her life.’ And that’s that simple need of not being
able to take care of yourself. You need people to be responsible, Because you inherently feel that
you can’t be responsible. That every decision you make is wrong. Or incorrect. Or not complete. Or whatever. And so you’re going to rely on someone
else and expect them to do it. Now the third diagnostic criteria is, ‘Has difficulty expressing
disagreement with others,’ ‘Because of fear of loss of
support or approval.’ So that would be, If we won’t even fight with someone. Even though they have been a total ass. Because that person is
our dependent person. That’s our one person that we count
on to make our decisions, And to tell us when to go. And tell us when to stop. And tell us what to wear. Or whatever. We don’t want that person to go away. Because in the back of
the criteria after this, They talk about how if they lose
that one person that cares for them, They immediately, like, in to panic
mode, must find someone else. Because imagine if you feel like you
can’t make any decisions on your own, And the person, Let’s say it was your grandmother who
was your caretaker that you depended on, Passes away. We don’t have anybody else to make, We don’t know what to do. It’s chaos in our head. We feel really scared and really unsure. And honestly just
frightened for our lives. We feel like we can’t care for ourselves. We need to find someone else who will. And they may fill that spot without
any judgement of the other person. They can do it at risk, at
their own risk almost. Like they will move quickly
and latch on quickly. So it can be really hard. Now the fourth is, ‘Has difficulty initiating projects or
doing things on his or her own,’ ‘Because of lack of self-confidence
in judgement or abilities,’ ‘Rather than lack of
motivation or energy.’ So this person can be completely motivated
and want to get all of these things done. But if someone wont help them
along and help initiate it, They won’t even start it. And often times in work it can be
really hard for these people. Because they will never, you know, Take it that extra step. Or initiate a project. Or rise above. Because they are afraid that
they won’t do it right. Now the fifth criteria, ‘Goes to excessive lengths to obtain
nurturance and support from others.’ ‘To the point of volunteering to
do things that are unpleasant.’ These can be people who will, They may hate to be outdoors. But because their one
support always likes to hike, They will go hiking three
or four days a week. Even though they hate it. Or anything that they just dislike or
is really uncomfortable for them. Maybe they fear public restrooms, And their person works in a restaurant, And they want to work at that restaurant
too to be close to them. They will do whatever. They will put themselves in any situation
that may be extremely uncomfortable. May really bother them. And they will do it anyways. Because they just want to be around them. They want to be nurtured and
supported in any way possible. Now the sixth one is, ‘Feels uncomfortable or
helpless when alone,’ ‘Because of exaggerated fears of being
unable to care for him or herself.’ And that’s why, like I said, They will immediately
try to latch on to someone else. Because being alone is something
that they simply cannot tolerate. Now number seven, ‘Urgently seeks another relationship
as a source of care and support,’ ‘When one close relationship ends.’ Like I said, If it was your grandmother that took
care of you and she passes away. Or maybe it’s a marriage
and you get divorced. Or it’s a friendship and
the friendship ends. You will seek quickly to find
someone else replace them. Now the final, number eight is, ‘Unrealistically preoccupied with fears
of being left to take care of him or herself.’ And I think that is the
core of the whole thing. That they fear so much
taking care of themselves. They feel like they can’t. They can’t make any decision that’s right. And it doesn’t really state
why we think this starts. But a lot of it, it builds
from self-confidence. And feeling like, you know,
we have the ability. A lot of us take that for granted. That we have the ability
to care for ourselves. And we don’t consider that a question. But in their life, That is always a question. Can I take care of myself? ‘I don’t think I can.’ ‘I don’t think I can make the
right decision for myself.’ And if any of you have this diagnosis. Or you find yourself struggling
with these things, Like I said, we have to take extreme
caution when diagnosing this. Because situations in our life can
lead us to things like that. And it can be a temporary thing. And that doesn’t mean that we
have Dependent Personality Disorder. However, for many people in the world. This is something that they struggle
with day in and day out. And I would encourage you to
seek professional support. I know that when we find someone
who is finally, you know, Meeting our needs. And nurturing us in the way
that we feel that we need. It can be enough. And it almost feels like
this takes a back seat. But it is pervasive. It’s through your whole life. And the sooner you can reach out, To a therapist. To a psychiatrist. And even get in a group. Sometimes it can help to
just know you’re not alone. And that you’re not the only
one experiencing things like this. The sooner we do that,
the better. So please reach out. Please contact, you know,
a therapist in your area. Or get on whatever, if you
have socialised medicine, And you have to get on
a list or something. Please take the steps to make that happen. Because even though this can
feel like it will never go away, With the proper care and support, It definitely can. And keep working with me as we work
towards a healthy mind and a healthy body. And as always, Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel. I put out videos all of the time and
you don’t want to miss them. And make sure if you like these diagnostic
videos, you give it a thumbs up. And don’t forget to share. Because like I said, Many people are out there. And they are struggling. And they feel like they are all alone. And they are the only
one feeling this way. And wouldn’t it be great if that was, If we could tell them
that they are not alone. And that they are not the only one. Because we all know that we
are a wonderful community. Working together to break through
the stigma of mental health. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

Comments

(100 Comments)

  • Dev ::

    I wish I was still in California so I could be your client! Even tho my insurance would probably not cover you! LOL love u kati

  • Stephanie Rogers

    I’m guessing also, like with everything else, there is a spectrum? Like low to high?

  • jinxedangel1982

    I feel like emotionally abusive people will try to foster this kind of lack of self confidence.

  • Bella Anderson

    I was very dependent. I couldn't trust myself with any life decisions, because I feared screwing them up so badly that I'd end up dead. Everything I decided would be wrong, everything I touched would be broken, and I just shouldn't be in control of anything at all. I should just leave it to people who know what their doing, because I can't do anything. Their judgement and knowledge way surpasses my own. If the decisions were in my hands, I'd do it wrong, and the pentalty would be more than I could imagine.

  • 에ᄄ예린

    .

  • uh

    I have a hard time making basic decisions and I can’t take care of myself however the people I depend on are online I don’t know if that counts in anyway /.
    I can’t tolerate going anywhere without my phone and I rant too much to people and they all leave me and then I freak out because I latch onto people too easily and trust them too easily, I get really angry when they leave because I don’t like losing people but especially the person I’m dependent on. and I’m way too dependent on my mother and I feel like I can’t do anything. My mom is the only person in real life that I’m attached too as well. I don’t know if being attached to two people counts as well.

  • Nathasha Love

    I seek someone after I end a friendship but it takes a few years until I find another person who i “idolize” and give all my attention and energy to. But then that friendship ends once again.

  • Stoner Page

    They gotta name for everything now. I call it BEING HUMAN.

    I'm beginning to think the disorders are manufactured first. Then comes the medication and of course the articulate blond to sell the cure.

    I still say her bottom lip kicks ass. That's my favorite look of a lip.

  • Danielle Tirpkoff

    👍👍👍👍👍👍

  • Donna Johnson

    Hi, can I ask, can you have more than one personality disorder?? It feels like I’ve got several.

  • [STBG] NinjaMan

    I was in a narcissistic relationship for 11 years and he managed to make me feel like this person. He died last year of cancer due to this condition I believe. his unveiling is this tuesday and i almost decided not to go. It's crazy I could feel this! But I knew it wasn't me!. But now I'm so drained and tired now. It crazy where I look like this person. Ugh. But in my defense I have 5 children whom I have tried to protect from these problems and I had no idea about narcassim til a few months ago. But I've found now he isn't here I'm still struggling with his negativity in my head!!! ive only found out that i have formed a negative addiction pattern in my head and being aware of this is helpful. I is most intense around my period which can be quite crippling as I now realise I have to map it out to reassure its just chemical imbalance due to period. right now I fell my chest keeps concaving in small increments as I write this. is this anxiety? and my eldest has attachment disorders as well whom has just reached teenage hood and college as well. my youngest just started scool last year. all my kids display attachment issues actually. even myself from own childhood. I did however learn boundaries but obviously they weren't developed enough. I can remember the time it tapped when I was gobsmacked by the sheer dumbness of the situatuon. He was bullying me into trying to do waste of time stuff and I was raising our baby!!! I just kept saying no and explained to him because of this and that. I can't do any of that. I didn't know this but he called his mother!! and she came over!!! He says to his mother she is using big words ma! I don't understand her! and she says oh yea no you can't use big words he cant read or write. I really don't know what dumbfounded me most! what he said! or the fact that she come over to defend her 34 year old son!! I was 24 at the time for the record. I didn't reply I didn't answer
    I just sat there and ruminated in shock disbelief. I was so gobsmacked I just couldn't believe that that was really happening! like Even now I'm finding very hard to accept or deal with.

  • Chloe Lastname

    Can you talk about unspecified bipolar disorder?

  • Nikolai Sæthre

    I asked my "one person" if she knew what DPD was and if she thinks I have it right before this video lol

  • Baylene Alvarez

    If anything I have moderate DPD. Besides that, I have Depression and Anxiety. I'm also a low-key Hypochondriac.

  • Milna Alen

    My girlfriend has all these trairs and her therapist thinks she this too… I dont know if it would be appropriate to diagnose since she has DID though, it seems like most system's "cores" are like that. I am like the other side of the coin, I do need caretaking in basic things (executive dysfunction) but I have no issue starting projects, deciding things or disagreeing. I have always been like a caretaker and therapist to my parents and friends.

  • High af on Memes

    My friend confessed that he has this last night. Im not sure how to deal with it, he has so many problems. I care about him deeply but he wants to get back toghter with his ex who i heard was really sweet. Ive told him to go for it. But im afraid i couldve said the wrong things, i was never good at expressing my thoughts and it just makes me so sad that hes feeling depressed without his ex

  • Nandita r

    Wow..I match up to all of the criteria's mentioned . Damn!! Can anybody tell me what sort of help did u take and what has generally happened in any session?

  • BAM BAM

    They think I might have this. I am physically disabled so I'm not sure. It's kind of hard to remember who I was before my injury.

  • Goldark 3

    I was always told I would need to depend on people my whole life. I told my self I would not do that as a kid. good part I can do a lot on my own bad I am not very good with people. so for anyone reading this, the middle path might be the best choice.

  • Kymberlie Belfield

    a lot throughout my life I am finding someone new to talk to or telling someone I will be there to listen because I feel that's important. At the same time though I feel I am only there because I need someone, because I don't really have anyone. I am fine when I am out and about and with my friends once or twice a week but sometimes when I am stuck at home I wish I have my younger niece to come help me, because I don't want to get back up, or I just feel like I want someone there to help me clean when I am so exhausted or I just want someone to want to talk to me and sit with me. I don't want them to feel they have to do all this. I want someone to do it because they want to. I've been pretty quiet the past month or so about a lot of personal problems because I just been feeling like people around me are not as close as they use to be

  • j chung

    i thought i was going to be a few…i was all of them.

  • mrsaah7

    I'm so fucking dependent, I'm like a damn joysucker, a black hole of pain and darkness. Why the fuck am I even here?

  • Heidi Latham

    How many of those criteria do you have to have? I have BPD but I'm unsure if I have dependent disorder.

  • M V

    enters panic mode like 5 times a day

  • KoalateaBuns

    I was diagnosed with this disorder..it answered a lot of my behaviors. I hate feeling like I depend on someone just to do basic things

  • Celine Jarrett

    It seems as though a lot of people know how to get into relationships. But clearly can’t cope with the reality of them. Relationships are as real as they come. You can be in love one minute and heartbreak the next.
    Why choose to be with someone if you know you have a issue with dependency. Should you not seek help first?

    Openly, my ex partner believes she is mentally a 5yr old whom wears nappies and calls herself an Adult Baby Diaper Lover. She will actively find men or women to call Daddy or Mommy to provide care and sexual pleasure for her. She wears nappies and has made herself incontinent. Now this is the extreme of how Dependant personality disorder can affect a person.

    But what about the effect it has on the people they are with? You can seem so normal but after a year you can fall for such a person to realise they have no way of acting like a independent adult. And that is truely the biggest slap in the face if you are considering marriage or a future with this person.
    The person whom accommodates the DPD is the individual left with a lot of trauma also. But this isn’t their illness it’s someone else’s who has had the capacity to worm there way into your life for you to end up picking up the pieces.

    If you have this disorder seek help before jumping into commitment.

  • Rachel Wallace Doak

    I more or less fit the last three criteria on this. I was also born with hydrocephalus.

    About twenty years ago, I was engaged to a guy, and when he broke it off, I was so depressed that I actually considered walking into oncoming traffic. Then a few months later, I met the man who is now my husband. I also am so used to being the one having surgery that I actually hate it whenever someone other than me has surgery, and it makes me anxious when my husband gets sick; the way I explain it to others is, people are supposed to take care of me, not have me take care of them.

    The fear of being alone and urgently seeking another relationship I guess applies to my ex breaking off the engagement. And being afraid of being alone to take care of myself, I feel like if I ever get to that point, I might as well check myself into a nursing home (assuming I'm the right age by then).

  • Denya Gantenbein

    Interesting

  • Marianna Bilobram

    My girlfriend has just been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and she constantly quotes the diagnosis but she doesn't like the terminalgy and she doesn't disclose to her therapist.what I'm most confused about is the blending of so many symptoms that seem to apply to her.perhaps her diagnosis was correct?

  • Kevin Kordes

    You have explained the symptoms, but what are the possible underlying causes of this disorder?
    Could it be: 1. Authoritarian parents 2. Military service brainwashing 3. Cult brainwashing/mindcontrol…??

  • Fables 456

    I wonder if people with DPD have a high risk of being in an abusive relationship.

  • L F

    Can you have a mild version? Like you can do basic stuff but things like driving or getting a full time job are just too daunting?

  • RODRIGO NICOLÁS

    Isn't this more a cognitive dependency than an emotional one?

    I usually need people to motivate me and love me, not to make decisions for me.

    What do I have? 🙁

  • Stacy Mitchell

    This is my mom, she has been this way for years- lived with her parents, then my dad, and when he passed my sister and i are taking care of her. She hasnt worked in her life and will just assume i (not my sister, but specifically me) have to take care of everything for her i.e fill out her forms, set appointments, take her everywhere etc. She doesn't know how to pay bills or open an account. At 25 years old, ive been very stressed about the situation and i feel like i cannot move on with my life because i will have to take care of her for the rest of my life

  • Diogo Dantas

    Kati, you're so bad. ^eally, worst therapist ever. Weak therapy. Stay away from this lady. There is much better help.

  • Leah S

    My dependency on people started when I got adrenal fatigue, severe allergies, etc. and so physical symptoms made me feel like I was going to pass out or throat close all the time. Then over the past 3 years I've gotten better but I will wake up my poor mom who's 70 years old alot because i wake up in the night dizzy or throat closing and I freak out. It's wearing her down. Then I need her during the day to always be by her phone or go shopping with me because who knows if I'll be ok by myself.

  • Isobella Parsons

    Would someone who has been in a highly abusive relationship in which the abusive partner has controlled absolutely every aspect of their lives for a very long time qualify for DPD? or is that included in the list of disqualifying circumstance in which it just looks like the victim has DPD, but they're actually just dealing with trauma?

    In short, does an abusive relationship trigger the onset of genuine DPD, or is it just a manifestation of trauma that mimics the expression of DPD?

  • Jeremiah Larkins

    I've heard that we are who we associate with and it made me start thinking, is it possible to absorb someone elses mental health issues over time? Is there science to prove or disprove that it's possible?

  • mike mitchell

    If you have a friend, spouse, family member, etc… who has this personality type what kind of small things could a person do to encourage more independence?

    Also, could you go into how this personality type can also be covertly manipulative and a few tips for dealing with it?

    Believe it or not this type of personality can make life a living hell for everyone around them. Especially if they are tasked with a leadership roll. It's almost like being around a person with ocd in the fact that as long as life is rigidly structured down to the minute everything runs smoothly. However, the second something random happens; like their regular coffee brand is out and they have to choose a replacement, it creates days, if not weeks, of chaos for everyone within a certain radius.

  • Butterfly Eyes

    I need someone to diagnose me with this because this sounds EXACTLY like what is happening to me. It’s making sense now.

  • Kindsey Rowe

    I think my dad has this. He even works at the same place my mom does. I don’t think he could survive without someone else helping him make decisions. He has been very religious my entire life, like whenever I have needed him he puts it on God to help me. It’s as if everything is uncontrollable and unmanageable for him and that’s how he’s chosen to deal with it. Even when things are stable he acts like he doesn’t know if he will be ok or not. I have been trying to figure out what is going on, my whole life. Hmm.

  • Emily Bets

    I didn't know before that such a thing exists, very interesting

  • RottenDoctorGonzo

    Remember: these mental disorders are descriptions of how you ended up. Don't take a diagnosis to be the final word, a prescription. People can learn new habits, even if the disorder doesn't go away. We are complex beings.

  • S Bh

    does peter pan syndrome fall under this category

  • Connie Criscitello

    I think most people have this disorder when it comes to government.

  • Ree Meroma

    I am not so dependent that I am actively seeking a companion to guide me through my life, but my mom conditioned me to be overly codependent on her and dependent on my narc dad.
    I am crippled because my neurotypical companions value family above all else and don't understand my plight because I'm not trying to escape them. I tried to be homeless on purpose just to escape them but now I am still stuck but at least safe.
    This causes me to have dangerous thoughts from time to time. I don't know how to help myself at this point despite the few who care about my real self.

  • Stephanie Mae

    I am diagnosed with this and it makes life really hard. I view the world thru rose colored glasses and have a child like view on life and i know this and i wish i could stop it! parents please treat your children with love and don’t be narcissistic or an alcoholic.

  • Lizzie Peaches

    I know

  • Pamela Walker

    This is me 💯

  • Tabby

    I'm 27 and I just recently got diagnosed with this and was shocked at how accurate it was. I had no idea this is what I felt, somehow. I wouldn't have learned I had this until my boyfriend of eight years left me. I feel so lost and hopeless and I can't even take care of simple tasks on my own. It turns out my boyfriend had an Overcontrol personality disorder so that's why we felt suited to each other… but he decided he didn't want to help me with my depression or anxiety any more and dumped me. I quickly turned to a friend who wanted to date me but I just couldn't stop seeing my now ex-boyfriend. I feel completely lost without him. So that guy left me for his own sake and now I'm left desperately trying to get my ex back because I hate myself so much I don't want to be alone. I have no faith in myself at all. Small mistakes just confirm that I'm worthless. I know this all started with my parents growing up and how they constantly told me I was a bad person and would often ask "what's wrong with you?!" when I made a mistake. When they tried to teach me something and I didn't do it right or it took me too long they'd take over in a huff like I was incompetent. I don't even know how to begin to feel confident in myself. It's so easy to say "just start doing things for yourself" but I don't WANT to. It's scary and it hurts when I make mistakes because my mind and heart tell me it's because I'm worthless.

  • Estefani Lopez

    I feel like I’ve been feeling like this since eighth grade. I just finish high school and I feel like struggle with fearing of being alone.

  • Mikiko T

    I always knew I am not 'normal'. I grew up in a Japanese family with a very strict father. My mom is very caring and I love her to death, but she was obsessed with my grades. Come to think of it, I probably never had a real rebellious stage that most kids are considered to go through. I always listened to what my parents said, studied pretty hard for every exam and got good grades in schools. This probably contributed to this aspect of my personality. I was lost when I went into the real world with a bunch of adults. Yes, I used to be a smart student when I was a kid, but now, I have a really hard time making decisions on my own because I got so used to being told what to do.
    Thank you for making this video because I've been struggling for quite a while now. That lonely feeling is no joke. I have no energy to take care of myself especially on weekends because I'm so tired from putting up a front that I am a 'normal' adult on weekdays.
    I hope that someday my situation will get better.
    I have a son now, but I will NEVER EVER try to lay out his life for him.

  • Beanasaur

    I literally want to cry while I watched this video because you just described me. I'm so glad I found you because of Shane Dawson!❤ now if only I could get you to fly out to VA for free and help me out for a few months😂 I'm terrified of therapists because the first (and only) one I went to for severe depression and anxiety, well, she made me feel more worthless than I originally felt…especially when she would answer personal phone calls and texts during our sessions.

  • Yovani Anindya

    wow… the third and sixth criteria hit me too hard lmao.

  • PeppyPip

    i have dpd and its ruined my life 🙂

  • Cal EuXX

    Kati, I would like to ask, what the difference between a passive codependent and a person with Dependent Personality Disorder is?

  • Malena Lucero

    I got diagnozed with this and with avoidant personality disorder. Yay. I'm sure that if I'm alone, I'll get sick and I'll just die. Anyway, these videos are great. Thanks for making them! Now I'm not seeing a therapist, but I'll try to pick it up again.

  • Sledovatelka Gabča

    I am so dependent on my boyfriend. I feel so sad because of it

  • Feyranna Hunter

    Oh wow, I hadn't heard of this one before. I don't display all the outward signs but this is the first dx you've mentioned where I'm like "is she in my head????". I have to wonder if this is more prevalent than it seems and a lot of people in DDLG/CGL kink communities are using their relationship style to medicate lol

  • Kathryn MacDonald

    Hey Kati, wondering what kind of attachment style someone might have with dpd?

  • Ilkka Saarinen

    I think I suffer from this along with depression. It's shitty cause I live in another country from my family and am currently studying. I also just can't seem to take care of myself to the maximum capability and don't really have anybody to tlak to so I just shut myself off from the wrold and hide. Been very close to killing myself tbh

  • Marc Padilla

    I depend on Benjamin Franklin for my most basic needs. He's a heartless bastard.

  • raindownchoas

    I have DPD and it's such a struggle. I have such deep depression because all the people I depend on leave me, saying I'm clingy and annoying. So I'm just too scared to even try to have regular friendships and avoid everyone.

  • Son Of Hibbs

    Kati, somewhat off topic here, but what you were saying at the beginning of the video triggered me…. what should someone do if they go see a psychotherapist and they end up diagnosing you with something that doesn’t feel like it clicks or resonates with what you’re describing to them? What if you bring this up with them, and the psychotherapist is adamant about it? Do you leave that therapist? Is the therapist being abusive?

  • Nur-e-Dipha Muttaqi

    Hi Kati, What is personality in psychological terms and how can we stay moderate without it becoming a personality disorder? How can I understand my personality type and stay normal?

  • HolyCheezeNipz

    I don't think I have this but I relate to this a lot. I always think other people know better than me. And even if I think they're making the wrong choice, I won't say anything because I just think they're "probably" making the right choice, so I'll just go along with it.

  • Im so tired of faking this Love

    I depend on my 2 best friends to help me make decisions and I always listen to there advice even if it’s bad advice. I also can’t live without them. and I fear that I won’t have a job or life when I’m older because I’ve been so dependent on them. I also go out with them even though I hate going outside of my house…..:/

  • Ashley Chislum

    This is possible if those around you make you feel as so which can make people react as such

  • Angelica A.

    Is it like fear of being alone ??

  • Girl Oscar-Wilde

    You did a good job of explaining how situational factors are important to consider before diagnosing someone with a personality disorder, because people are so quick to see themselves in descriptions and can become confused about what's really going on with them.

  • Girl Oscar-Wilde

    I also like how you adopt the second-person pronoun to discuss disorders even though you don't likely have most of them yourself. It has a calming and destigmatizing effect.

  • Angelique

    Is there a spectrum for this. Some of this applies for me, but not on a grand scale. I have mad anxiety at being alone and give people too much power in my life. But I can function on the basics. I also have my own opinion but someone else will make me second guess.

  • Malcolm Small

    I think they are just plain lazy.

  • yan zhao

    I think I have the opposite problem. I'm very avoidant.

  • Rab M

    Hi does anyone know where I can contact Kati? I would love to her take on where/how manipulators 'learn' their tactics? And also just to tell her how brilliant she is!! Thanks

  • Alex Baron

    My friend whom I was really attached to suggested that I had this, and i fit the criteria sorta but I'm definitely not dependent enough. I clearly want to leave my mom's house, I want to become independent.

  • Zero

    All the time with a every decision i cant decide because i think i would make the wrong choice. My solution was to say " I dont know" , "I cant decide"

  • Gothmummi

    This is long, but i dont know what to do.
    I have a neighbour.
    She has been in an abusive relationship for years.
    She didnt necessarily stay because shes was afraid of him, she was afraid she would have to give up work and be full time mum. (She told me this flat.)
    She would kick her husband out and come to me. Spend two days sorting her life out, then she has hin back and doesnt speak to me for months again. (He apparently beat her up every time she spoke to me, but i havent any actual evidence this is true.)

    Now she has met someone else. She left her husband for this new bloke. (She wouldnt fully end her relationship until she had someone else.)
    She has called me repeatedly, 4 times a day the last week. She calls me early in the am asking if i want a coffee. If i go to hers she wont let me leave for hours.
    Saturday i said i would go to an appointment with her (english is her second language.) Appointment was at 1.30 we we had to leave at 1.
    She text me at 7.45 for a cigarette. called me at 9.30 as i hadnt responded. I went to give her a cigarette (she lives directly opposite) and my friend 2 doors down from her gave me back my carseat. Because i was literally 50 seconds, she called me again!
    I go round, doesnt let me leave until 12.10pm. I said i need to go if we're going to this appointment!
    12.40pm and she calls me again to ask "where are you?"

    She expects me to leave my 15 year old to take of my younger kids so i can go and "have coffee" with her, with no notice. If i cant because i am busy, she'll call later that day. And call, until i answer.

  • Lisa Nelson

    i used to struggle with this,i came a long way by helping myself!

  • ʎǝlɹɐɥƆ

    Hey guys, I've actually been diagnosed with DPD. If I had to describe what it is actually like, it would be like being unable to say or do anything without knowing if it is alright. Never wanting to do anything, and always trying to avoid doing things. The main reason I feel that way is because of fear. When I think of doing something that I have not seen as okay from my dad I get a feeling of fear that prevents me from doing it. It can range from extreme anxiety (I know he doesn't like this behavior) to milder anxiety (I don't know if he likes this or doesn't like this behavior), to no anxiety (I'm doing something with him, or I have seen him do this thing before). I'm constantly monitoring what I do, and I can't really do anything comfortably right now except play video games and occasionally leave the house to get food. I am also 30, and I have never been employed because my dad has never told me or asked me to get a job.

    I just dropped out of one of my college classes because I was unable to write a 6 page essay on an assigned book. The book was not difficult to read, but it was very difficult to do the act of reading. I kept stopping because of very strong anxiety and fear. Every essay I have written in college is written 2 days before it is due, and this time I really just didn't feel like putting myself in that kind of stress, so I dropped the class instead of writing the essay. I drop 1 to 2 classes a semester like this, and I have a lot of W's.

    Those are a few examples of what DPD is like. Hopefully it can help someone here know if they might have DPD. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
    P.S. if you think you have DPD please go see a psychiatrist for an actual diagnosis and get proper medical treatment.

  • RajaMCool

    I have dependent personality disorder along with histrionic and borderline personality traits. I’ve been told that I constantly cling to people and excessively ask for reassurance from others.

  • TurtlePower21

    there is a guy that I follow the whole day

  • Molly Macdowell

    I am suffering from this so badly rn in this time in my life. It’s the worst thing ever.

  • Erin T

    Kati, I have autism and I am dependent upon my husband. I feel uncomfortable making decisions because I feel like I'm not allowed (I don't earn the money, ect) But also to the point where I feel I'm not even allowed to decide whether I can have a baby without asking permission from my parents from whom I'm estranged… Is this DPD or is this simply the fact that I'm autistic and am therefore dependent to a certain degree because I simply am not fitting in right with the Neurotypical world and I can't feel like I can ever adjust to it enough to be able to support myself…?

  • 57Jaguar

    Crazy hand motion.

  • Moamen Ali

    What book are you reading from?

  • John Zaskoda

    Credentials?????

  • Sarah Gardner

    I just got diagnosed today officially and correctly with borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder. I feel my greatest fear in life is moving out of my parents house (I'm 24) and not being able to care for myself. My parents are verbally abusive and toxic and I need to move out for my mental safety but I'm too afraid to do so. I'm currently seeing a new therapist who is helping me with DBT therapy and I hear good things will come from it. My greatest relief with not being bipolar (my previous diagnosis, incorrect) is that personality disorders are not genetic so this is not something that I have to take meds for and when I was born, I had no disorders mentally nor physically. This is because of shitty parenting from a narcissistic dad and alcoholic mother who knew nothing of what care and love is and still don't know. They're both selfish and will manipulate me to satisfy their sick desires. I am currently dealing with resentment towards them and NEED to move out but my dpd makes that impossible. This is literally a nightmare.

  • dolphinrose21

    and this is a disorder? how?

  • Shal Thunglano

    My bf has this. .😢 he wants me to come to him..but I can't bcoz of my studies & problems idk wat to do to keep him up

  • lily mbae

    This is so interesting. As a self aware codependent, how can I ease the hold I have over my 'favorite person'? I know I have depended on this person but I feel that it takes a toll on her. She might want to spend time with other people but feels like she cant leave me alone. its really not fair. I want to let her know that its okay for us not to be so close anymore (it's also really hard for me) but i know this will hurt her since she is a genuinely good person incapable of turning her back on someone. However I feel like these boundaries will help us both. I'd appreciate advice especially from anyone who feels they support a codependent. How would you like to set boundaries in a non-hostile manner in a way that can preserve the friendship?

  • Jeremy Broussard

    Is there a counterpart to this? Most of my past significant others seem like this. I’ve read up on co-dependency, but don’t have the desire to control associated with it. To be honest, the girls I’ve known that seem like they have DPD seem just super feminine, such to the point they can’t handle practical aspects of life.

  • Jim Jones

    im not dependent i just like drugs very much

  • clycleng

    Her hands…. omg chill them out.

  • Sitchinite420

    Sounds like my sister in law. Master Mooch of the Universe. She’s unable to take care of herself or to take responsibility for any of her choices/actions. She’s almost 40 and still lives with her Mom. She’s won the Victim Academy Awards many times.

  • Rebecca A

    Let me guess if you depend on the government that's a disorder too???

  • SCL75

    Thanks for the video

  • Salman Khan

    U r so good now i understand what is DPD thank u so much

  • Holly Kendall

    Its absolutely terrifying and extremely embarrassing to have this disorder. I have this and Im so scared to even show this video to my family because I am so scared theyre going to leave. I know its silly and irrational to think that way, but its a very real fear. Im so tired of living like this. Im sure a lot of others who are suffering feel the same way.

  • Farjana Akhter

    Shit..!

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