Why Does Your Attachment Style Matter? | Kati Morton

Why Does Your Attachment Style Matter? | Kati Morton


– Hey everybody, happy Thursday. Now today, we’re gonna
answer the question, what are the different attachment styles? But before I jump into that, if you’re new to my channel, I know there are lots of you, welcome. Make sure you’re subscribed
and have those notifications turned on because I put out videos on Mondays and Thursdays and
I don’t want you to miss out. But let’s jump in to today’s topic. Now attachment styles have been discussed since John Bowlby started talking about it in the late 1960’s. He believed attachment
to be all or nothing, meaning that we either
have a healthy attachment or we don’t, very black and white. You know how much I love that. Don’t like it, John Bowlby. But, the good news is
that research has gone on to show that there is
much more to attachment. And now, they have concluded
that there are four main styles, and if you wanna read more about the research that has
led us to this conclusion, I’ll link some articles
in the description. Because attachment is something
that we develop as children, all studies that were conducted
that you’ll read about if you click those links
in the description, they were done so on children. And I think that’s kind of
important for us to know. But there are also different
stages to attachment. And I believe these are
really important for us to understand first before
we get into discussing the four different styles. And so the first stage
is pre-attachment stage, and this occurs from
birth to three months. During this time, babies
don’t show any preference to their caregivers, as
long as someone comes when they cry and changes
them when they need to, they feel taken care of and
are able to be soothed easily. And there are a lot of different theories as to why this is, but it’s just important to know that for the first three months, we don’t really care
who’s taking care of us as long as we’re getting taken care of. The second stage is
indiscriminate attachment, and from roughly six
weeks, you’re gonna notice there’s odd overlaps in
these different time frames because everybody’s different, but roughly from six
weeks to seven months, babies show some preference
for their primary and secondary caregivers. Usually this is mother or father, but it could be nanny,
aunt, grandma, whomever. And they will still be easily soothed by another person, but are
better at distinguishing between familiar and unfamiliar people. The third stage is
discriminate attachment. And this starts from
seven months, roughly, to 11 months, and this
is when babies will show a definite preference for one caregiver, and will protest if they’re
separated from them. We’ve all seen this, right? Little kids who are
cuddling with their mom or their father or someone, and we try to, oh I wanna hold you, and so they give them to you and they scream bloody murder and they will not be soothed. And so this stage is
when separation anxiety first shows itself in children. And they show anxiety
around strangers as well. And now moving into the fourth stage, which is multiple attachments. And this occurs around nine months or so. And children at this
point are able to form close bonds with more than
just their primary caregiver. This means they could feel
attached and comfortable and easily soothed by
grandparents, siblings, or another parent. Now that we’ve discussed how
and when attachment is formed, let’s talk about the different types that can appear as a result. And the first style I’m gonna talk about is secure attachment. When a child has this type of attachment, they will feel easily soothed and safe when they’re with their primary caregiver. If they’re distressed,
they’ll turn towards their caregiver, or seek
them out in some way. This attachment is
formed when a child knows that they can count on their caregiver to be there for them when they cry and soothe them and care for them, meaning that throughout their life, whenever they needed someone, they needed this parent or this caregiver, they were there. Therefore, they’ll use
this secure attachment as a safe base from which they feel free to explore all that’s around them. The second style is insecure avoidant. This is when children do not attach to their primary caregiver because they don’t feel
that they can count on them. This usually means that
their primary caregiver either hasn’t been there for them at all when they needed it or has
been extremely rejecting or dismissive of their needs altogether. We’ve seen those parents
when we’re out sometimes in public, right, if a child
is crying or in distress, they will scream at them and say, “you’re embarrassing me, stop it, get it together,” and almost talk to them kind of like they’re adults and supposed to be able
to control themselves and soothe themselves when we
know that’s just not the case. And we can see this style of attachment by watching children that are in distress, because they will not seek contact with their primary attachment figure. In fact, they won’t even show a preference between their primary caregiver
and a complete stranger. And I would hypothesize this is because they actually don’t
know who’s gonna be able to soothe them better. They don’t know one’s gonna
be better than the other, so whoever’s there will take it. The third style is insecure ambivalent. And yes, I recognize
these names are terrible, but it just gives you kind of an idea of how a child may feel, and children with this type of attachment will be clingy and needy of their caregiver, but when the caregiver comes to their aid, let’s say they’re crying and fussing and their mom comes over to soothe them, they’re rejecting of them, and they’re not easily soothed. Some kids can even become more upset when their parent comes over to help, and so this can cause the caregiver to not know what to do. Imagine if you’re a parent, you’re trying to soothe your child, but they just are more distressed. And thus, it can perpetuate
these ambivalent attachment feelings because we don’t
know who we can count on or how to even be soothed. And the fourth attachment
style is disorganized. And children with this type of attachment will show a confusing mix
of attachment behaviors and may even appear to be
confused or disoriented. They believe that this attachment style is caused by inconsistency
from their caregivers. That means that a parent may be soothing at some points in life and some times, and can be helpful, but at other times, they can be really
hurtful and fear inducing. Now to get into the real
meat of this question and this answer overall is what does this mean for us as adults? Now researchers have
linked poor attachment to PTSD, ODD, which stands for
Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and CD, otherwise known
as Conduct Disorder. As well as low self esteem,
depression, and anxiety. And they even find that we can struggle to have happy and healthy
relationships with others as we get older. And I know that that’s a lot to take in and there’s a bunch of different things that I just briefly addressed, but that’s because everybody’s
gonna be different. There’s four different
styles of attachment. There are millions of different people responding to those
attachments in different ways. Therefore, just know that some
of your mental health issues can come from your attachment. And now on to the most important part. What can we do about it? And luckily, there’s a ton that we can do. And my first recommendation would be to work with a therapist
to process through any trauma or upset
you’ve had in your past. We can heal from our past attachment. We just have to have someone
that can be validating, that listens to us, and helps
us learn how to self soothe. I’m sure you kind of recognized, while I was talking about
all four types of attachment, that a lot of it has to do
with the ability to soothe. And so talking with a
therapist, feeling validated as you express all that you may feel can be extremely soothing and beneficial. And my second tip is to pay
attention to how you respond or react in relationships and note which things you would
like to change or work on. Because attachment
happens when we’re babies, often a lot of the unhealthy behaviors that we exhibit as a result of that are innate in us, or knee jerk reactions. And so if we take the time to be mindful and notice what behaviors we’re doing that aren’t beneficial
to our relationships, then and only then can we
actually start working on them. And rolling right off of the second one, my third tip is to be
mindful of your emotions. You can use feelings charts. You can go back to what I described about the story of an emotion, finding out where it came from and what you’re trying to express and then even get into
describing the emotion, so if we use the feelings charts and we take one of those emotions, let’s say that emotion is anger, most people don’t like that emotion, instead of just saying, “I feel angry” I encourage you to try to
describe it using other words, like I feel really agitated, like there’s a fire inside and
I wanna be really impulsive. We need to learn how to describe it so that we can allow
ourselves to safely feel it. And in turn, that gives us more control over how we express all that we’re feeling to those that we’re in relationships with. And my fourth tip is to notice what in your relationship
triggers some of the more uncomfortable emotions. We all have emotions that we are fine with and ones that we try to avoid, so notice when we’re feeling those ones that we’re trying to avoid. And bring these situations up in therapy so that we can work on
emotion regulation techniques, like back burner, reducing
your vulnerability to those triggers. We’ve talked about HALT,
hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Are you experiencing any of those? We probably should take care of that, as well as the acronym PLEASE, and I’ll link my videos
for DBT in the description so you can learn more about that. By taking the time to
take care of ourselves and meet all those basic
needs that we all have, we’re lowering our own
vulnerability to certain triggers, and that can make us better able to manage any upsets that come along
with every relationship. And my fifth tip is to also notice if you’re not letting
people in in general, part of the avoidant type, because you’re afraid of what may come up. We need to begin by talking about this with your therapist, because avoiding any close relationship
so that attachment issues don’t come up really doesn’t
make anything better. It honestly just keeps us isolated. And medications can also help, too. SSRIs and SNRIs, otherwise
known as antidepressants, have been used to help
with depression or anxiety that may exist as a result of
an unhealthy attachment style. But just know, the one
message I hope you get from this video, is that
with personal insight and the right support, we can go on to have happy
and healthy relationships with those who are deserving of it. This video has been brought to you by the Kinions on Patreon. If you would like to support the creation of these mental health videos, click the link in the
description and check it out. And I’m curious, let me
know in those comments. What attachment style
do you identify with? Have you talked about
this with your therapist? Is this something that
you’ve wanted to bring up? Let us know in those comments because we learn together with your
experience and my expertise. We work towards a healthy
mind and a healthy body. And I will see you next time, bye.

Comments

(100 Comments)

  • Shelby Bowman

    I really wish someone would talk how being emotionally neglected as a child can cause you to be overly clingy as a teen/adult. I know for me this has been super prevalent in my life. I was not given the proper support needed when I was young. Now I cling to anyone my mind deems as reliable. Whether it’s a teacher, friend, friends parent. It’s stressful and I feel alienated because no ones seems to have the same issue.

  • Reece Darlene

    I brought up attachment styles and even showed my therapist an article that I very strongly related to and she just said I don't have "severe enough" issues to really focus on that shrugs

  • Marley Alvarez

    I wish I can hug you, kiss you…..and hear you personally…!!!!…. At the edge of doing the unthinkable…. …this and other another video….. activated my emergency brake…..in a few minutes you have showed me… what no one has done…and I haven't even said a word ..!!!……" Love"…is what we all need…..it would be nice if you were my wife!!!!!…but thanks.. for feeding my heart with this info..!!!…. your doing a great job!!!!….💪💪💪💪👍👍👍💘💘

  • Carla Marlene

    The list of symptoms almost made me feel guilty until I made myself remember the loving home and family my daughter was/is raised in. My husband and I have been together her whole life and love each other deeply. Her older twin brothers loved her from the start. She has lived in the same home since she was 9 months and I nursed her til she was a year old. She was never in need of anything but alas, she has always been a miserable child: she always preferred to play alone then got sad coz no one played with her; she is ODD (opositional) to an extreme; pushes loved ones away. I have had her in therapy for years because these "disorders" cycle through then she gets "help"and she is happy again. Like I said almost felt guilty. Be careful when diagnosing, it may not be the case

  • Caitlyn M

    high key wish Kati was my therapist

  • Kate J

    Thanks! This really helped in my MCAT prep for the Psych/Soc section.

  • Leah Rose

    I don’t know where I stand. I’m very attached to my boyfriend and when I feel him getting distant and not communicating with me as much, I panic and freak out , and then as soon as he gives me attention and starts being affectionate I freeze up and feel so uncomfortable and just wanna run from the situation.

  • God And Butterflies

    Be careful peeps concerning the push for medication… Please listen to what I'm telling you and at least before you ever ever begin taking antidepressants or benzos for anxiety or depression just go on YouTube and type benzo withdrawal and watch the videos about what these people went through the day they decided to get off… Yes perhaps some abused them but most did not… You will go through a health at last 2 or 3 years… Typically people can't work during this… I'm not against medication entirely… If someone is in psychosis or in a situation where nothing is helping after you've already exhausted every other Avenue like counseling and what have you then perhaps medication is needed but just understand that if the day ever comes that you want to get off of these, you will have a situation that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy… Just look it up… These are the things like many that doctors don't tell you

  • a Bear

    This was really informing. Thank you.

  • redrock1963

    @ 9:35 Never ever advise antidepressants to over come or cope with psychological issues, never ever. They only hide the symptoms and it is easy to become DEPENDENT on them. If you must, get an Amino Acid assessment and nutritional guide but do not use prescribed medication – anti depressants.

  • Giulia Viale

    Hi Kati! Is there a link between type of birth (cesarean/natural) and attachment styles or disorders in adulthood? Greetings from Turin, Italy 🙂

  • MingusTale

    I just feel like a have a slightly muted capacity to feel emotions or empathise. I just can’t seem to do it a lot. And this is what affects my relationship with others a lot. I don’t understand how people empathise without rationalising logically the other persons feelings extensively. Which i try to do because I’m not an asshole. Occasionally other people being visibly sad has made me sad, but so infrequently I can actually recall the times that has happened easily one by one. What is the cause of this? Because it’s causing trouble in my life.

  • theartthatran

    What happens when a baby changes primary caregiver during the discriminate attachment stage?

  • kokai83

    so how does the ambivalent insecure attachment style develop?

  • Connie Forrest

    I seriously feel like I relate to the Avoidant attachment.

  • Lauren Patterson

    Interesting content! Thx!

  • Shyann

    OK, my cat is one of these

  • Ebony Alexis

    your skin is amazing!!

  • Cheesus

    Wow, people really don’t understand how much someone’s childhood shapes them. Makes me even more sad to see this new trend of people bringing kids into unstable environments for attention on social media and a fire baby shower. Seriously, don’t have kids until you’re ready. That might mean you never have kids, but it’s better than being selfish and bringing a kid into the world to be neglected

  • Huck Mart

    Hmmm… I'm definitely disorganized. I've felt for a long time that my dad was inconsistent in his care for me. Sometimes he was my best friend, and others a tyrant. I used to have nightmares in which he would morph from his normal self into a demon or psychotic madman and chase me around. It scared the hell outta me, and the thought of ever telling him scared me more. It's obvious now why I had those dreams.

  • Im So Lonely

    Can you make a video on parasocial relationships?

  • Micayla Huard

    I’m avoidant

  • Mfanelo Ngcongo

    I have identified my attachment style as 'dismissive avoident' . Do you have any book recommendation for broken people like me.

  • LettuceTurniptheBeat

    Can you talk more about relationships and people who have detachment issues?

  • Rebecca Clark

    Hey Kati, just started watching you and the way you deliver information is so helpful and encouraging. Thank you!

  • Spirituality1980

    Just a quick question, please… I'm trying to find the video or videos about the H.A.L.T. acronym that you mentioned. Can you tell me where I can find it, please?

  • MegaGangsta4life

    Your videos make me feel hopeful, and that I'm not a fucked up person

  • TwiiZoH

    Definite insecure avoidant

  • Gaby Stanbrook

    Well this is gonna help my child care essay on attachment theorists!!! Thank you!!

  • Lynn Marie Anderson

    That was very interesting and informative, thank you. I'm going to show this to someone who I know went through some trauma when he was a kid.

  • Zoeila

    this makes me sad because my girlfriend has formed attachment type 1 with me and has started to hate her parents. it makes me think she didnt get the attention she needed growing up.

  • Abby Grace

    Holy crap I'm so happy I found this channel. Saved my relationship. Thank you.

  • Herman Quijano

    Thank you for all the videos !! I love your Channel

  • Michael Garcia

    how can I help a friend who fears being alone?

  • Thomas Mercure

    avoidant… nothing more to be said

  • Livvy Doing everything

    Mine is definitely disorganized.

  • Kaitlyn Rhode

    I'm insecure avoidant.

  • Baixiulan

    I have a huge attachement issue where I avoid any kind of relationship. (I’ve been bullied for 12 years and was adopted at 3 years old) I feel like there is no hope for me. I am in therapy since 2014 and my therapist is awesome. But I feel like I should be dead. My parents are worried and when they are upset because of my behaviour it only gives me the urge to die. I am not happy and have never been really. I have one friend but I don’t feel attached. When she is there it is fine when she is away I don’t care. And she is not a close friend. I just feel I am wasting my life.

  • Anthony Ramirez

    I feel like I’m mostly attachment style number three: Insecure Ambivalent

  • Rose Garcia

    I think I have an insecure avoidant attachment style. I do well in relationships until we start to get close and then it all goes to hell. I am very sad about this. It causes me to be lonely sometimes. This is not what I thought my life would be like….

  • Phillip Makris

    John smokes bowls

  • Diane Diane

    I learned so much in this video!! Thank you for your help!

  • derrik tie

    i guess i am insecure avoidant and disorganized.

  • Ana Carneiro

    You are just perfect! Thanks a lot for all that explanation!

  • WholeLottaSami

    insecure avoidant over here

  • Ellie D.

    I'm generally the avoidant type but in my relationship I'm definitely the anxious type… So, disorganized I guess.

  • Molly Anderson

    What about unhealthy forms of attachment? Such as co-dependency? I'd love to hear about situations like those, and separation anxiety, what is healthy and what is not??

  • Mark Richie

    Hi WELCOME

  • Bettina Puskás

    I am on the right path then! ❤👍

  • Lovely Little Furry Tails

    This is how I know I must have an attachment disorder if my BPD only comes out when interacting or trying to form relationships with people, I become mentally and emotionally unstable. When I'm being avoidant I'm far more stable (even if not perfectly or completely). Then each time I try to form relationships (including friendships) I become more avoidant to protect myself, my sanity and well being. Meh 😑. Seeing a therapist February 14th though (of all days)!

  • Lovely Little Furry Tails

    Does it sound weird (probably not a great choice of word) that I have only internal feelings of care/love for my cats and my nephew (guarantee that's from helping take care of him for a few years from 6 mos to a year I lived with my sister, then moved across the street, to continue going there while she was at work to babysit)? Yet most other's family (I know only, a knowing, I have a sense I love/care but don't have internal feelings … that confuses a lot of people I try to explain it to – maybe it's a lack of attachment to them?!? 😕), past friends and or relationships the feelings never have ever felt as internal, literally felt?! Anyone who asks me as far as dating on apps if I'd ever move, I am adamant I will never move too far away because of my nephew. When it's friendships or relationships I fear it's always my BPD, anxiety about them leaving/abandoning me, confusion, emotional dysregulation … (or I blame it all on oxytocin but that's all love, right technically?). All of that gets in the way of me feeling actual internal feelings of love/care … probably because I'm not completely attached and on edge awaiting the moment they leave me? I used to think I could be a psychopath but 3 therapists tell me I'm highly empathetic and emotionally intelligent (how is that when people ask what I'm feeling, in person mostly, I always say "I don't know" to the point of annoyance). Most therapists too tell me I'm really insightful yet around people I'm hanging out with or maybe trying to form a relationship with, who may ask "What are you feeling?" my mind goes blank …

  • Maximellow

    I have the habit of either not trusting someone at all or clinging to them like my life depends on them.
    I scare people away with both of this.

  • RuthmaJozile1

    Insecure avoidant and disorganized attachment are what I’ve experienced and find myself depressed, anxious, a closeted extrovert and low self esteem. I really need to go to counseling

  • MegaSpiderlover

    Insecure avoidant. I have a tendency to isolate and push people away

  • Hala Zeisa

    Is there no Detachment?

  • Lily Sunshine

    Do Compassion and Collaboration fit together? Acknowledgement of Emotions regardless of gender? How shall I look at collaboration or bonding? It takes two people to conceive a child. Mother and child collaborate during pregnancy. After birth is there a lack of collaboration of both parents consistency to nurture the nature of a child. Is brain developement a delicate balance of historical genetic predisposition with collaboration an element of the puzzle?

  • Salma Haybi

    But dear Kati what if the caregivers weren't there at all, and you feel rejected, unwanted, unworthy and unsafe and most hurtful thing is that you face it all alone.

  • DarkCarbunkle

    Am I your experiment? "Hmm, should i call them regularly, when I feel like it, on a rainy day…how much love should I give? Enough to make them "know" iI care, because I'm fake trying harder, or not so much as to annoy them, but enough to let them know I'm still there. Or "hard to get," and only when they want to talk?"

    I like your little "psycho" cult 🙂
    It takes normal things and makes them look bad.
    It takes natural things and makes them mechanical.
    It's inhuman, what you're doing!

    Make up more phrases 🙂
    Indoctrinate more youth!

  • HoneyBadger MalDog

    Idk what my style is..

    I have quick and strong attachments that seem to fade rapidly overtime

  • Hope rose Pascoe

    Thank you, this video has helped me alot

  • Stolen Password

    Your opinion on abortion is wrong.

  • Ann Murry

    I think my attatchment (cough*detatchmentstylw*cough) came from my parents having another baby when I was 1. Of course the new baby required more time and energy and I didn't learn how to attach normallly, I don't know how to take any consolation from others, and the first thing I saw a therapist for was displacement. It's hard to get close at all.

    I don't feel it was abusive or neglecting. It was just a timing thing.

  • safety pin

    I never knew it had a name, but 'insecure ambivalent' is literally the thing that frustrates me the most about myself. Whenever I tried to explain it to others, ex my mother, she thought I was crazy.

    Getting what I want makes me so upset, then I get upset because I'm upset, then I question my privilege and get upset at how selfish I seem to be, and it's a downward spiral of self-hate.

  • Kimber Nikole

    I think I’m confused attachment style or extremely avoidant. I do not necessarily run to anyone for full comfort but I also can’t self sooth the best. I haven’t brought this up in therapy because I avoid things that make me uncomfortable and don’t know how to talk about it… it’s a vicious cycle.

  • Andrea Hanna

    Omg I love how you reply to a lot of your comments you’re such a nice person

  • Hannah Devenish

    THANK YOU FOR YOUR VIDEOS !!

  • Chloe Is An Aussie

    The thumbnail has me dead ❤️😂

  • Lex P

    Oof it's a 2 and 4 for me

  • Cody Johnson

    My childhood emotional trauma messed me up. I've never had a close relationship with anyone. I get anxious and fear everyone is going to leave. I get clingy. Push people away. End up being by myself, when that's not what I want.

  • Broccoli Assassin

    Can people with insecure attachments not have bpd

  • A whisper of Patricia

    Unfortunately I have insecure avoidant attachment

  • Andrew Baker

    John Bowlby

  • The Breakfast Clubber

    thank you Kati for welcoming new people, not every YouTuber does this kind introduction.

  • rolom3

    How do you talk through events you don't remember

  • Aubrey the EDS Potsie

    This is an excellent video. I have heard of the attachment styles but I have not heard them described in a way that I really understood until I watched this. Thank you.

  • Craky

    4:00 ihave a question kati,my parents did that when i was a kid and i felt very upset they told me to not embarass them,is that dangerous for child's mental health cuz i see many parents do that

  • Jo Painting

    Is there supposed to be a link to a preview for the movie Venom in with your other links related to attachment under the description??
    This kind of seems like a copy/paste slip.

  • Jensran

    Why did I need to see this so badly right now?

  • Isabelle Amé - EN

    Can you do this without anti depression pills?

  • C. Smith

    Why do I always get attracted to authorative figures.

  • Marilyn Jayne Miller

    I guess my attachment is the 4th, my mum was 'smothering' and thru my life ruined any relationship i had, thus i'm now middle aged never married/had children. After she died i made poor choices of men who just used me. I've been in a toxic relationship for 5yrs, he is a good man to a point, but things soured with verbal manipulation. I have little self confidence i.e.about my appearance/how i dress etc.. have extreme anxiety, had unsuccessful counselling, don't suit antidepressants. My now physical health problems mean i can't work, am on low benefit which is limiting. So (i'm not a 'golddigger') but i need this man's help to survive..i.e. help to buy food, etc.. i certainly have no income/savings to socialise to make new friends. I am grateful he got me a sweet dog companion (as we don't live together) – i also feel 'mentally dependant' on this man, like a child.. I'd like to know how to resolve a life full of regrets, missed chances, and a bleak future…???

  • lala

    Could BPD be a result of insecure ambivalent? 🤔 Hence, "fear of abandonment?" whenever I am having a breakdown, I want to be soothed by someone and when they come near me I feel kind of agitated and don't know how to express myself.

  • Baixiulan

    i work on this in therapy but there are days where i feel the only way to heal from that is to die.

  • Soumya Ganguly

    In my case, I really don't want to rely on anyone to emotionally comfort me. I've always stayed away from any kind of attachments with any human being. My mom used to tell me that I am a very cold person since I was a kid and don't have any emotion for anyone. And it actually feels right, because becoming emotional and expecting someone will understand it is something that I don't really like. I prefer to help my self rather than expecting someone will help me. And all this has made me a person who doesn't have any personal relationship with anyone. I'm always surrounded by people related to my business, but there is no personal relationship. No friends, no family, no one. I feel I should have someone in my life but then It seems impossible for someone to be with me on a personal level. I don't know if I would ever be able to form a personal relationship with anyone.

  • Natalia Valoroso

    I literally don’t open up to anyone unless I have known them for a long time

  • Angela L

    Everyone should have their own personal therapist that follows them everywhere the second they are born. They wouldn't intervene but be there to describe the "why." Wouldn't that be nice?

  • Mice Elf

    I don't trust people at ALL, and like being alone, but occasionally I'll want for some social contact… then I remember why I like being alone.

  • Tom Palmer

    I push people away. I've been standing in a booth getting ready to talk to a cashier at the bank, and I'll be pushing hard on the booth in front of me. I'm "pushing the person away".

  • NM

    Insecure avoidant and my husband is insecure ambivalent. We feel it's sensible though. Stuck

  • Henry Mcfine

    Hello. Your such a great speaker

  • Andrea New

    Interesting that kids wouldn't show a preference for a parent next to a stranger but then kids who are put in foster care usually Want to go back to even an unsafe parent. Makes me wonder if it's fear of the system or an inability to securely bond with the surrogate parent.

  • RL - 08WC - Churchville PS (1436)

    Hi Kati! I’m very young and have a strong passion in researching psychology. Throughout this process I have realized that I have struggled with insecure ambviont for all my life. ❤️ Thanks for helping me realize that. Can you make a video on hyper sensitivity disorder?

  • therabbithat

    By all accounts I was a securely attached child but now I'm definitely insecurely attached.. maybe a bit avoidant too.. boooooooo

  • Antonio Tolentino

    sounds like the last attachment very mixed relationships with my parents some times they were really helpful and other times they weren’t and it’s hard to deal with.

  • j freed

    Babies still do immediately recognize the presence, sound and smell of the birth mother.

    As evidenced by the preference to the birth mother who reads a certain book (cat in the hat) to the child in utero, then soon after born the child's measured response to this compared to other women and other books.

    But certainly newborn infants are so existentially helpless as to not have time to discriminate givers of basic care.

  • Roberto Insingo

    Just like another day in class

  • sonal jaiswal

    Less content.. too much drama;)

  • Feige Katarina

    I'm still so confused. This doesn't help me at all! I can't tell which one I am! I could be disorganized….. or insecure avoidant, or possibly even…. ah, no, I don't think I'm ambivalent….. but it's so hard to tell, especially since I was a spoiled brat. Most of the times when I was 'upset' I wasn't really upset, I just wanted something.

  • Denise Schulze

    My husband is my only close person. Im 34. Should i go see a therapist 🙄😅

  • Conner Cagle

    What if u build relationships then u watch it tare apart with no regrets

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